by Linda Ann Nickerson

Created on: January 09, 2009

The Family Reunion Guest List

What is a family reunion, if certain family members are excluded?

Every family is different, of course. Any family, particularly a larger clan, may have its own curious characters. Perhaps a relative's conduct may be questionable. Another may require special accommodations for physical or emotional reasons. Still another may have troubling habits, or even a criminal record. Must every family member be included in a family reunion?

Is it acceptable to invite certain relatives to a family reunion, but to exclude others?

Still, a family reunion may not be complete without complete participation.

Our Own Family Reunions

Our clan holds a family reunion every three years. No one misses. We purposely pick the most central spot possible, and the family reunion planning team keeps the accommodation costs as affordable as possible. We have even rented a pack of pop-up campers to gather in a circular driveway at a family member's woodsy cottage.

For various reasons, our own extended family reunions have occasionally included special dietary accommodations, wheelchair ramps, medical assistants and even court-ordered probationary check-ins.

Still, everyone has been invited. And everyone has attended every time. Mountains of family portraits don't lie.

Of course, other families may face more challenging obstacles to the full family reunion.

Find a Tactful Compromise.

If a particular relative poses a definite threat to others, or if an irresolvable conflict looms large on the family horizon, then a clan-wide family reunion may be an impossibility.

Surely, in many settings, a proven pedophile, child abuser, drug addict or other potentially dangerous individual may be difficult to include in a festive family reunion.

In such cases, it's probably best to invite folks to a family gathering, but not to market it as a full-fledged family reunion. Why hurt someone's feelings, and cause a potentially long-term family rift, for the sake of semantics?

Including Just the Family

Is it right to include non-family members at a family reunion? The exclusivity of a family reunion guest list must be a matter of personal choice for each family. If young adults are dating, or even engaged to other individuals, ought those folks to be invited? Should young children or middle schoolers be allowed to bring friends to the family reunion?

What about favorite babysitters, who might lighten the load a bit for parents of young children, at a family reunion?

Each family must decide such issues on their own.

The most important issue is simple. A family reunion is certainly worth doing. In our highly mobile society, rebuilding in-person connections may be critical to the future of the family. Extended family relationships are an invaluable asset, worth keeping current and preserving.

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