by Linda Ann Nickerson

Created on: January 09, 2009   Last Updated: March 29, 2012

Wedding How-Tos for Stepmoms

Stepmothers have received a bad rap for generations. Blame it on the Brothers Grimm, if you will. In any case, we have often had to find our own way through courtesy quagmires.

Traditional wedding etiquette guides have offered little assistance for stepmothers. With blended families becoming more prevalent that traditional families, many more stepmothers seek guidance for wedding etiquette.

As a stepmother, having attended three weddings for stepchildren (with another fast approaching), I have experienced firsthand the pluses and potential pitfalls of step-family wedding etiquette.

What are the basic rules of etiquette for a stepmother at the wedding of his or her stepson or stepdaughter?

Attending the Bridal Shower

Although traditional rules of etiquette instructed against the hosting of wedding showers by family members of the bride and groom, these standards are bending in current times. Family and step-family members often do offer to have showers for the bride or even the groom.

A stepmother may or may not be invited to participate in wedding showers that are hosted by her step-children's other family, friends or future in-laws. If invited, the stepmother may choose to attend or simply send a thoughtful gift. Because each family

Certainly a stepmother is welcome to host a wedding shower for her stepdaughter or stepson or for her stepchild's fiance or fiancee. Often, this gesture is warmly welcomed. Of course, courtesy recommends that the guest of honor's own parent be included, if at all possible.

Fairly frequently, wedding showers are held in restaurants, clubs, churches or other neutral spots to accommodate both the in-laws and the outlaws in a blended family.

Inviting Wedding Guests

Although the stepmother and her husband may foot the bill for many of the wedding costs, they often do not have a great deal of influence on the actual guest list for the event. A courteous bride and groom will seek input from all sets of parents, particularly those who are carrying the lion's share of the costs. Unfortunately, this is not always the case.

In many blended family situations, each of the bride's sets of parents will volunteer to bear specific areas of the financial burden of the wedding. Of course, cooperation is key, as it benefits the bride and groom and their future life together.

Choosing Wedding Attire

Everyone knows that the bride is the star of her own wedding. At least, she ought to be. A radiant bride in a glowing white

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