by Alexa J.K.

Created on: January 09, 2009

I was taught that forgiveness is divine. To forgive those who do you wrong makes you the bigger person, and that when you choose to forgive someone, it should be for the right reasons. You want to forgive that person, you want to believe they're truly sorry or you want to believe they will learn their lesson.

With some of my previous articles, I have poured out my pain about the molestation that took place with my stepfather when I was a little girl, the rape that took place with my stepbrother when I just hit high school. With those incidents, having those two men in my life has made me realize that karma is real. So many bad things happened to those men over the years, and with all that, and being forced to live with them through my teen years, I have finally learned to forgive them. I have learned to accept them in my life whether they want to be a part of my life or not. The one person in my life that I don't think I could ever forgive, is my mother.

As the eldest child, growing up I didn't have much of a childhood. I couldn't play outside with friends, go to friends houses, have sleepovers, all the things a little girl would want to do. I was the eldest of siblings and therefore my responsibility was to tend to my younger brothers and sister. I had to be home straight after school, homework done, chores done, make sure my siblings did their homework, check it and feed them. Make sure they were showered and ready for bed. I was 2nd mom in the house.

The rule was, when one does something bad, we all got into trouble. We were never allowed to talk back, never allowed to say how we felt. We were the children, we didn't know anything - we were always wrong. It wasn't a grounding or a time out. It was a full beating. Anything she could get her hands on - a belt, a cooking utensil, shoes, anything. After the beatings, it was apologies left and right from her, and her favorite saying, "It hurts me more than it does you."

After 5 years of hiding that my stepfather was molesting me, one of my brother finally got her attention about it and I had no choice but to spill the beans. I was sent away to live with my biological father. She later informed me that my step dad went for a polygraph test and passed. I was then able to move back home. She told me to forgive him and move on with my life because there was nothing I could do. So I moved on, but at that time, I could not forgive. I would sleep on the top bunk with my sister, just because I was scared he would enter our

• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• 5
• Next Page >>