Cutting for me was a way to relieve the hatred I felt for myself after years of abuse. I cut because I wanted to feel something, I cut because I didn't want to feel something. I cut because the memories from my childhood were so painful. I cut because I wasn't like any other normal girl. I cut because I wanted to die, and at the same time, I didn't. The more cut, the deeper I sank into a pit of despair. No one could help me out of it, and no one understood. Soon the cutting became a vicious cycle. I tried to get on with everyday life, but something would happen, a memory, or harsh words from a friend, or expectations I set upon myself weren't met. The worst self inflections were when I was drinking.The alcohol somehow compounded all the dark emotions and thoughts within me. I felt so dark and empty inside. It wasn't until I gave my life to Christ that I was able to end the battle with the blade! God's love for me gave me peace and renewed my soul and spirit. I became a new person. The need to punish myself or feel like I was alive was gone. Little did I realize that the need to punish myself and the self-hatred was the works of the enemy.
For those who are still struggling with cutting and want to stop, first you must understand you cannot do it on your own. You need to tell someone of your struggles and know and accept they may not understand. You also need to seek help of a professional because cutting is an addiction and a dangerous self harm behavior. Seek help from a pastor and a counselor. Even though you may be getting help with your personal life, you also need to realize that it can be an oppression of the enemy. Telling someone and getting help is the only way to stop the cycle. You can visit my site for my story at http://www.heathersturningpoint.blogspot.com/
How to Break the Cycle:
1. Cutting is like any other addiction, it consumes your thoughts. Replace these thoughts with scripture that state's Gods love for you. Each time the thought comes up to cut, begin repeating the scripture until the urge or emotion passes. Remember that with an addiction, its habitual and you need to find other things to replace the habit. It takes 21 times of doing something for it to become a habit...so it will take you some time to replace cutting with something healthy...like going to scripture, instead of the blade...
2. Crank the music! Listen to music that reminds you of God's love, what he's done for you. Music has the ability to control your mood, actions, and thoughts. So listen to things that are uplifting full of promises.
3. Pray, pray for God to heal the wounds and emotions that are the cause of the cutting.
4. Identify what emotions, moods, thoughts, smells, sounds, sights, social situations that trigger the need to cut. If it's emotions, thoughts, and memories, its best to see a counselor. If it's something like a social environment, it's best to avoid it if its unhealthy for you...
5. Accountability! Telling people in your life that you can trust can help hold you accountable to avoid cutting. Plus they can pray.