by Layla Randle-Conde

Created on: January 09, 2009

In an abusive relationship you've often left in your heart long before you do so in real life. This article is for the confused, the battered and the emotionally shattered. It's my view, but the conclusion is pretty much what any ex-battered wife or girlfriend will tell you in their own words.

One of the most destructive personality traits or disorders is Narcissism. Someone can be an extreme Narcissist, or just show strong traits of Narcisissm. This is a medical term that doctors use to describe a certain type of personality disorder. I'm not a doctor or psychologist and chances are neither are you. So we can't go around labelling every stroppy, difficult, jealous or short-tempered person a Narcissist. However, the devastation and destruction that Narcissists cause to their spouses is pretty consistent and recognisable. It's a cold, calculated destruction of the personality and confidence. It leaves the spouse feeling completely alone, helpless and not trusting their own judgement. It makes a high level of abuse and torment seem perfectly normal and acceptable. If you read the rest of the article I can almost guarantee that you'll recognise someone you know in this description. It is a fairly common personality trait or disorder.

But if you read this and you recognise your boyfriend or girlfriend, perhaps even your husband or wife then you have a serious situation to deal with. One article written by a stranger is not going to make any difference to the way you live your life. But if this is your spouse or lover remember as much as you can of this article, because at some point in the future you're going to need it.

The ego or self-image of a Narcissist is extremely fragile. Any challenge or threat to their carefully constructed self-image triggers a terrible rage. They often arrogantly assume they know more than you or anyone else on any subject under the sun. They may make out that they are a cut above the average person, more intelligent, more important or more valuable in some way. They may lie or exaggerate about their experience or qualifications. Of course, lots of people do this and that doesn't make them Narcissists or abusive partners. But the Narcissistic partner demands total agreement and total surrender to whatever bonkers view of the world they happen to hold at the time. For example, if you're a Madonna fan and the Narcissist decides one day that the pop star Madonna is a slut and a bad mother, you have to be in immediate total agreement and never,

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