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Something is just not right. Your spouse is being secretive. Your spouse has a different attitude. Your spouse has a different look. Your spouse may be having an affair. But how does one know for sure? Well! To be completely sure is to follow different variety of steps from basic honesty to the clandestine. Sometimes one partner has to be just as tricky as their suspected cheating partner.

First let's detail what makes one partner feel there is a claim for infidelity:
1. Change in attitude toward you, your family, your family life, work or their social life (including fiends)

2. The Money game. They start to hoard or save separate or openly with their partner.

3. The Phone game. They have numbers and text messages from unknown or rare callers or acquaintances.

4. The E-mail game. Same as the phone game, but your partner opens their own secret email address and checks it safely away from a home computer or lap top.

5. The Chat room game. Having a group of virtual friends may create the atmosphere for personal liberties outside your relationship. They meet people who share the same ideas, goals or excitement. (These are easy for predators using the anonymity of the Internet and the availability to find and catch an open prey.)

6. The Friend game. Your spouse may have some friends outside the relationship. These friends may be lifelong companions or just people from a league sport or hobby group. They are also the perfect setup for an alibi. After all of this you are unsure and unsteady about finding out, or even if you want to know in the first place. The deeper you dig, the more you may find and that could be even more damaging and unsettling.
So here are the steps that can give you answers that you want to hear while protecting you from what you don't:

1. Basic honesty! Ask them. Straight out. Sometimes when a partner is cheating they are actually trying to bring it out into the open. Confession is good for the soul, but harmful to the relationship. How would you react if they told you the truth. What would you tack on? Would you still trust them if they say it was over, or close to ending? What would be your reaction?
2. Ask people who are close to your spouse! Sometimes close friends will reveal the truth if you ask the right question, the right way. They don't want to harbor the secret any more than you want to hear it.

3. The paper trail. This is just a way of following the money. Credit card bills, receipts, mileage. Simple paperwork has sank a cheating partner.

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