Home > Creative Writing > Humor
Created on: January 09, 2009
Recently I joined a "Weight-Loss Challenge" at work, everyone puts in $10.00 and then the money is divided into 1st, 2nd, 3rd place depending on the amount of weight lost. I also signed up on a free website that allows people to track their food intake, exercise, water intake, weight lost and calories burned.
I am not much for exercising; I work full-time and I am a parent to 2 children, 1 husband, 1 dog, 5 cats, 2 fish, 1 chicken and a partridge in a pear-tree (I am kidding about the partridge). So, anyway, exercise is a word that actually translates into "I don't have time for" in the language of Busy Moms. But I do like walking, after 35 years I have almost perfected the act (remember, I said almost). Walking is something I do on a daily basis anyway, so adding a few more purposeful walks in the evening shouldn't be hard.
This week I have started my walking regime at 15 minutes in the evening. Living in the south, the summer is too hot to walk unless the sun is setting or already gone (I know now why southern belles are depicted sitting on the porch fanning themselves and drinking mint juleps) so I have been walking in the evenings. I tried to incorporate my busy lifestyle in with my exercise. I took the girls with me.
My girls, ages 10 and 8, rode their bikes. The 1st night we walked my 8 year old (who has been riding without training wheels for only 2 weeks), fell and scraped her knee. She blames it on the bike. Daddy happened to be out practice driving on his Mo-ped (its a new toy for him) and he saw her fall. Being the good daddy he is (which means he is wrapped around the girls fingers) he gave her a ride home. I was left walking a bike so small that I can't ride it and have to walk like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. She scraped the left knee and she's worried about a scar affecting her appearance. Girls, gotta love them!
Last night we walked and tried to take the dog. If you are a dog owner of an disobedient, spoiled dog you know where the rest of this story is going and might as well sit back and laugh at me right now. We had to stop every 5 feet; every bush and mailbox is now marked. My arm and shoulder probably are suffering permanent nerve damage from the strain of him tugging on the leash. I'll know for sure if my shoulder hurts when it rains, if it ever rains again. How I didn't trip over him or get twisted in the leash only the "powers that be" know the answer to. Like most dog owners of large, disobedient dogs, he took me for a drag rather than
Below are the top articles rated and ranked by Helium members on:
Humor: Losing weight
by Mrs. Rogers
Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, was what it all came to for me. When I thought of dieting I simply procrastinated. I knew I
I think I might have another apple. They're in the fridge, and that's a problem. I know he's hidden chocolate in the refrigerator.
Alright, let's do it! This is going to be your year, you're finally going to buckle down, eat right and lose some weight.
by Mona Yasir
'Tis a truth universally acknowledged' that fat is forbidden and being thin is the ultimate life goal of every tired individual
"You're not allowed that."
Your helpful, concerned husband just happens to enter the kitchen at the exact moment your grasping
View All Articles on: Humor: Losing weight