by Felicity Jakc

Created on: January 09, 2009   Last Updated: March 09, 2009

I sat down to write my life list with a delightful sense of having been given permission to indulge. Why is it, I wonder that to sit and focus on what is important, without limitation, feels like reaching for something forbidden. Is it because we feel we 'should' rather than 'want'?

I thought the search would be playful, liberating. But interestingly enough, it wasn't that simple.

In the final analysis, the things I really wanted came back to me and who I am, what I want to be and what I want to contribute. I feel a warmth inside as I write this, and a sense of relief. I had felt impelled, when first thinking about what my life list might be, to write about world peace, happiness for my children, owning my own home. I still would like these things, but as I grow older I see that these things are limited, and ultimately, not mine to wish for. The best we can have, in the end, lies in our own hearts and minds.

At 55 my life goals, at different times, have been owning my own home, freedom to write, travel, world peace, a child, a job, freedom not to work, a full night's sleep, a chance to say sorry. All these things, and many others, are still highly desirable to me.

But, the things I have failed at have not always been the ones I regret. Sometimes a success has been less than the growth that came in adjusting to the things I could not change. Unexpected treasure has come from selfish and ill-considered decisions.

Thinking back over it all, this is my life list:

1. To do what is important

At 55 I have lived a lot on some levels, and not enough on others. I don't want to waste time going over the same ground. I want a wealth of good memories about the things that really do matter, not whether I kept the house clean or resisted eating too much chocolate.

2. To carry out my role as 'older person' effectively

I keep my own youth close, remembering and celebrating the similarities in my past and their present, but also recognizing both our differences. It's hard to be young any time, there are big issues around. As an older person I've had to accept the stereotyping that goes with it, but I have also had younger people sometimes turn to me for answers about what is happening in the world, or in their lives. I have to share, but then I have to retreat, be on target. And I want to celebrate the uncertainty of this, not fear it, and at the end be proud of all my years.

3. To be aware of my power as an individual

I want the courage to never let destructive or damaging comments about

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