by Bob Trowbridge

Created on: January 09, 2009

Many of our obstacles are self-generated. They are obstacles of the mind or of the emotions. They are obstacles of belief and limitation. We can sometimes overcome these obstacles by communicating with others, getting outside feedback, a second opinion.

But when obstacles involve other people, whether family, friends, or colleagues (or even strangers), then communication is the only key. In fact, it might be true that most of our obstacles involving others are created through bad communication or a lack of communication in the first place.

What are the keys to good communication? How can obstacles, once in place, be overcome through improved communication? I tried to put these keys in some kind of order of importance but was unable to do so. It also must be understood that this list is not exhaustive. The subject is worthy of a book and many have been written.

Perceptions

Many obstacles in relationships come about through inaccurate perceptions. The party who represents the obstacle may misperceive who you are or what your intentions are in your communications. Assumptions come out of perceptions and assumptions can derail clear communication every time.

Our perceptions of who we are and our own intentions may not be clear to us. We may also misperceive the other as to their motives or even their attitude toward us. In overcoming obstacles through good communication, one must be clear about one's own perceptions of self and the other and clear about the intent and goals of the relationship.

When we perceive ourselves as clearly as possible and perceive the other clearly, good communication can result and obstacles can be overcome.

Projections

This psychological factor (from Freud) is very much related to perception. Because we all tend to project qualities onto others that we deny in ourselves, we can end up creating obstacles in relationship. Many obstacles are created because the other party seems to have a quality of attitude or behavior that really puts us off. If we have that same quality hidden in our psyche, there are going to be problems.

The best way to deal with projections is to assume that everyone you meet is reflecting some aspect of yourself. If another person really pushes your buttons and brings up a lot of emotion in you, positive or negative, there's a good chance they're trying to tell you something about yourself.

It takes a lot of courage to honestly look inside oneself to see if you are not harboring some of the same qualities that create obstacles

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