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Most pets have a shorter life-span than people. Unless your pet happens to be a Galapagos tortoise, you will probably have to go through the bereavement experience several times. Even the loss of a fish can be traumatic, especially if the death was difficult.

Pets are individual, living beings. They are not interchangeable. Tossing the body in the dump and getting another one will cause more problems in the long run than taking the time to process what has happened.

As you navigate the stages of grief, remember that other family members may not be where you are. Be sensitive to what is going on with them, as well as yourself. Talk to your children, listen what they have to say, and don't tell them what they should be feeling.

The first practical issue is the disposal of the body. If the pet is small and you have a suitable space, burial is a viable option. Allow all family members to participate. Be patient if your children want to have an elaborate funeral. It will help them accept what has happened. Take steps to assure that the grave site will be safe from vandalism or unintentional desecration.

If burial is not practical, or you are uncomfortable with the idea, arrange for cremation. Your veterinarian can help. Have your cheque book or credit card handy - this is not cheap, but it is a dignified, permanent solution. If it is feasible, it might be for the best if all family members have the chance to see the dead pet and say good-bye. The wisdom of this varies from person to person. The ultimate goal is to have a peaceful sense of closure.

After a few days, remove the pet equipment. Unless it is something expensive or custom-designed, it is best to donate it or dispose of it rather than saving it for the next pet. Bringing a new pet home in the carrier that transported the previous one for the final visit to the vet may arouse some unpleasant vibes. If you want to keep a memento or two, by all means do so.

Let the memories come when they will. They will hurt at first. Cry, write a letter to your pet, visit your pet's favorite spot, look at pictures and videos, talk your feelings out with friends or family. In time, the good memories will start to surface. When you have regained perspective sufficiently to see your pet experience as a gift to you, you may be ready to start thinking of a new one. Don't rush this. Understand that there is no way to replace what you have lost.

Before deciding whether or not to get a new pet, consider your options and the pros and cons. Being pet-free may fit your current life-style better than getting another one. A big dog might have been wonderful for your young children, but not a good idea if you have aged, become less active, or are considering the possibility of moving to an apartment. Talk it over with your family. Lay all your logistical and emotional cards on the table, and make the choice together. If in doubt, wait. It is easier to get a new pet than to get rid of one.

If you are ready for a new pet, consider this a new adventure. It is unfair to transfer your expectations from your former pet to the new one. Remember, they are all individuals, and deserve to be treated as such.

Learn more about this author, Christine G..
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