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There's a qualifying balance that we need to consider when a person repeatedly disrespects us. Do we cut all contact with them or keep them at a safe distance? The determining factors would be what affect this person has on our life and what our relationship is with them.

It's not easy to reverence someone who repeatedly belittles us with disrespect. It seems that we go out of our way to please them and yet they show no appreciation towards us. And instead, they show a complete disregard for everything we do.

Sometimes their treatment towards us can become so stressful and contemptuous that we want to just cut all contact with them. But before we do, we need to count the cost of that action.

In some cases, we can just walk away and cut all contact because the person isn't part of our life and it wouldn't be a loss to us to never see them again. When it's a new friend or store clerk or even our accountant, we can just say goodbye because they don't add to our lives. They can be replaced and we can carry on very well without them.

However, it's more often not the outsiders whose disrespect bothers us, but rather family, neighbours and co-workers. And these are the people who we struggle with the notion of cutting all contact with because they are part of our lives and their existence does affect us. We cannot just ignore them or walk away from them, but we don't want to be around them, either. So, what do we do?

When it comes to family and neighbours, we should limit our contact with them as much as possible and not initiate any conversations, yet still be polite. We should be pleasant when we greet them, send them occasion cards such as birthday or Christmas, and even wave to them when we pass them on the street.

When we're at social events and they are there, we should greet them pleasantly but limit our exposure to them to prevent any possible contention. We wouldn't phone them or invite them over, but we would show hospitality when we see them.

Co-workers present a slightly more stressful situation in that we may need to be in contact with them or work closely to them at our job. In this case, we would be pleasant, do our job to the best of our ability and speak politely. We need to learn how to let their actions roll off us and not affect who we are.

We need to realize that the disrespect problem lies with that person and not with us. Therefore, if we give back the same treatment they dish out, then we are no better than they are and we would have succumbed to the same level of disrespect as they're at. We need to maintain our own integrity and remember who we are because we can only stand accountable for ourselves.

Therefore, we need to do what we have to do with them at work and we should do all things with a happy attitude, but it ends there.

And when we speak to others about them, we should say nothing bad about them, but if we have to comment we should always speak good and never fall to the wiles of gossip or personal disgust. When we maintain our own integrity and treat others as we want to be treated, the good that we present to them will eventually make an impression on them. We may not see it right away or maybe never at all, but if we don't show them what respect is, they may never learn.

Your patience may be their only hope of learning what respect is.

Learn more about this author, Ronnie Dauber.
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