by Brandy Fee

Created on: January 21, 2007   Last Updated: May 21, 2007

Children are all different, as are the attitudes that they integrate into their daily lives. Because of the differences in personalities and problems, there is no one way to deal with children and their attitudes. However, there are some small things that you can remember, no matter what approach you decide to take.

Be consistent. Children need stability and structure. If throwing a fit today in the grocery store gets your child a candy bar, but tomorrow it gets him a spanking, he will become confused, unsure of what will happen the next time he decides to throw a fit. Will he get a candy bar or a spanking? The risk may outweigh the threat of the spanking. Always have the same answer.

Make known what you expect. If your child does not know what you expect from him, how can he meet your expectations? To achieve this you can sit down with your child and make a list of house rules and the consequences of breaking those rules. In doing this, there is no room for misunderstanding. The hardest part will be you following through with the consequences when the rules are broken.

Be open. One of the biggest rules in our home is "no backtalking." But our children also have been made to understand the difference in backtalking and "talking." They know that if they really disagree with something, or really want something, the best way to go about it is to come to us with an explanation, to talk without the disrespect.

Set an example. The term "Monkey See, Monkey Do." is more exact than many realize. Children see the examples set for them by those they trust, and they often strive to follow those examples. If you want your children to respect you, respect them in turn. If you want your children to behave in public, set an example of how to act in public. It is impossible to never do anything you don't want your children to do, after all, there is a difference between being an adult and being a child. But when you have done something that you wouldn't necessarily want your child to do, and you know he has seen it, try sitting him down and explaining your actions to him, and why it is wrong for him to do.

Reward, Reward, Reward. Children learn a great amount by rewarding them for good behavior. If you do a good job at work, most of the time you will get a raise. Use the same for your children. For young children and adolecents, a behavior chart will often do the trick. Use stickers as a way of showing your child when he has done a good job. Set a number value for rewards: 10 stickers equals a dime, or a dollar. 50 stickers equals a night out at the movies, or a special toy. Rewards also come in the form of affection, praise, a cup of hot chocolate, pizza, whatever you know your child likes or needs.

Most importantly is to remember that dealing with behavior problems with anger will solve nothing. Children react to love, not anger.

Learn more about this author, Brandy Fee.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.