by Mona Yasir

Created on: January 07, 2009   Last Updated: January 11, 2009

'Tis a truth universally acknowledged' that fat is forbidden and being thin is the ultimate life goal of every tired individual over twenty five. But have you ever met a dreary, dull or boring overweight person? No! And why are all the fatties so happy? Because they know they can eat what they want when they want, and if they didn't smile so much and weren't so approachable, they'd die a lonely death. You have to agree, fat equals happiness. I mean when was the last time you saw a slim Santa? Not ever!

So what then is there to complain about? Why do millions of us flabby footstools spend countless hours of our ever-so-short existences exercising? We endlessly torture our bodies and our self-esteem by squeezing our sorry torsos into tight-fitting leotards that only accentuate the tires around our bellies whilst failing to hold in the pockets of plumpness around our asses and of course we look hideous, but it's the effort that counts, whilst all the thin, little, young things at the gym are courteously supportive, probably because they know we'll never succeed and so we're no threat to them. Bitches! Why don't they just get out of our faces and let us be miserable as we huff and heave on the rowing machine just two breaths short of a coronary, whilst they prance and preen around us with their slim fingers resting on their tiny waists. I mean, they don't even break a sweat, and why would they, they're not working as hard as we are to get our lives back. You wouldn't see one of them walking up and down the aisles in the supermarket checking the fat and calorie content on the back of the ketchup bottle, for goodness sake, nor would they be seen dead in anything that has a free size' label on it.

Let's face it, being overweight and over forty means you have 2.4 kids to pick and drop all day, a list of to-do things on the fridge as long as your arm, a mortgage your kids will have to repay one day, and a nagging pain somewhere on your person that may or may not be a malignant tumor.

So why bother, my friends? Do what I decided to do. Make each day count by telling yourself it may be your last. Somewhere deep inside you, you know you're not going to enter any more beauty pageants, and that first prom, first kiss, first love moments of your life are all over and done with. The way you look is the way you should look and don't let the anti-wrinkle cream commercials tell you otherwise. So you have a belly that's bigger than your butt. So what! It's what makes you endearing, cuddly and beautiful to all those who truly value your existence. Who knows, maybe if you cheer up a little, you won't need food to do that for you.

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