by Jennibean

Created on: January 07, 2009

Back when I was a child, I had a very different concept of God. I saw Him as someone invisible, untouchable, and something to be feared. He was omnipresent. You called on Him in times of trouble, and shared with Him your deepest desires. I remember wanting confirmation that God was real, and that He heard me when I spoke to Him. I believed He was real, and was somewhere; I just wanted Him to be right there in the room. I wanted tangible proof that He was there with me. I remember on many occasions setting a toy on the dresser in my room and saying, "God... if you're in this room... knock the toy off on the floor!" Then I would brace myself, and close my eyes tightly, squinting through one of them so I wouldn't miss the fantastic thing that might happen. The toy didn't move. It never moved. I'd hoped for some kind of lightning and wind, but was disappointed with silence. A few times, feeling bold and arrogant, I even upped the ante by asking Him to smite me. I'm still here, if that's any indication of God's ability to extend grace to the unenlightened and often foolish :)

What I didn't understand, and what my childhood church didn't teach was that God is not into performing parlor tricks to prove His existence. He's God... He doesn't have to prove anything to anyone. He was, is, and always will be. We aren't owed blessings and miracles simply for breathing. We actually have to work a little bit for those, by defying logic and having FAITH. Just because proof doesn't come in the ways we expect it to doesn't mean God isn't alive and well and popping a squat on the couch right next to us. Faith is a choice. It doesn't consist of us sitting back and waiting for something fantastic to happen just because we occupy a spot on a pew on Sunday morning. It's not a one-way street where we say to God, "I'll believe in you only after you prove you're real, because heaven forbid I end up looking foolish in front of my peers!" It's a bit audacious for us to expect God to first prove Himself to US. Especially without us first demonstrating through faith that we believe He is who He says He is when He does indeed reveal Himself, however that may be- even if it's not in a way we expect or find comfortable.

Whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, He has already pursued us and wooed us with a vapor of Himself, causing us to become aware of His presence. It's up to us to decide if we want to follow the fragrance and venture into that deep place of greater revelation of Himself

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