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All children are insane. Most everyday, run of the mill activities for kids, appear calamitous and stupid when reflected upon by adults. Cheap thrills dominate their lifestyles. No single childhood activity typifies this more than sledding.

Sure, I sledded when I was a child, and I have mostly fond memories of it. I loved the wind whipping my face, the rushing snow beneath me, and the screams of laughter around. But should I really have had such a nonchalant, demure attitude to flying down a hill at twenty miles an hour? When logically analyzed, sledding is one of the dumbest things anyone can ever do.

Basics

For those who hail from more fair weather climates, here is sledding in a nutshell. Take a piece of hard plastic, find a large snow covered hill (the steeper and icier the better), line up for a running start, run, jump and slide over the precarious precipice. To avoid trees and obstacles, try to steer using your hands and feet as rudders (this never works). Once you reach the bottom, trudge up to the top and do it again. The amount of near death experience in a run is directly proportional to the amount of fun had.

Location

Perhaps sledding wouldn't be such a dangerous activity if the best sledding hills weren't always in the middle of the woods. Trees prevent snow from blowing away, making a hill unsuitable for even the most ardent sledder. Yet, in my youth, I remember not only finding hills surrounded by trees, but with trees dotting said slope.

Apparently, neck braking hills are the only suitable ones. It is simple physics. The greater the slope, the less resistance, which leads to more speed. When you would look down a hill and know you would break your neck if you ran down it, somehow that made it alright to sled it.

As if the trees and killer drop weren't enough, any great sledding hill needs a moving body of water at the end of it. The most successful runs end with someone saying, "Oh my God, I almost made it into the river!" Congratulations, hypothermia waiting to happen, but don't worry. If the icy water doesn't get you, the rushing waters will.

No wonder why these places are so often nicknamed suicide or hospital.

Advanced

As if the whole experience isn't dangerous enough, children will modify their strategies to add an element of risk. Some children will aim for those making their ascension. We used to call it buddy bowling.

Deadly tubing is another variation. Instead of a sled, you ride down the hill in an inner tube. The people walking up the hill will hurl their bodies at the inner tube, trying to dislodge its occupant.

Medical Assistance

Over the years, I have witnessed the occasional broken leg or concussion while sledding, both injuries where the victim cannot be moved. Normally, an EMT would show up, strap the person to a gurney, and take them away in an ambulance. The hill complicates things. Instead, the person is strapped to a special cart and pulled by a snowmobile back up the hill. It is an ironic end to be sledded to the hospital with sledding related injuries.

Learn more about this author, Andrew Franz.
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