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Alone, with nothing but my thoughts I often probe the depths of my mind in search ofmy first memory. Im not sure of how memories work, but whenever I ask myself for my first, this always comes up. Its hard for me to put a timeframe with it, other then to say I was less then 5 years old.

I was sleeping, soundly, and I must have been dreaming, when a familiar voice brings me out of my slumber.

"Well, there he is." my mother said.

I remember opening my eyes, and being in a strange place, laying down on a strange couch, and looking at a strange man. I had never seen him before, and I dont really recall seeing him much after, but there he was. This was the early 70's, and there he stood in his fading jeans, t-shirt, work boots, and long wavy hair, and I remember his eyes, Ice Blue. I think he smiled, but Im not positive. A short time after that, or within a years time anyway, my mother married that man, and my life forever changed.

They were married in May of 1976, I wasnt even 6 years old yet, and I was being uprooted from everything I knew and moving in with my "family". Up to this point my mother and I had lived with my grandparents, and everything about them was exactly that, Grand. My grandmother baked every week, always fresh bread on Sunday. My grandfather was my father figure, and nobody was going to live up to him, no matter what they did. I had free reign of their land, my own room, everything a young boy needed. Moving in with my new family meant I switched schools, got to live in a 2 bedroom apartment in a Village, and not much else. I hated the fact that my mother had married, and I hated the fact that I had to suffer because of it.

It was quite a shock those first couple of months, at least for me. I was woke numerous nights to the sound of my parents fighting, one night my mother apparently had enough and threw everything of my fathers down the stairs of our apartment. I used to huddle in my room with my cats, shaking and praying that I could get away, to go back to my grandparents, and forget this had ever happened. It wasnt long before I got at least half of my wish, we moved back to my hometown. At least I was closer to my grandparents, and back with my friends. It wasnt much, and it was still hard to listen to somebody who had been absent my whole life. I had never had a father, and now here was somebody looking to fill the role, but I wasnt really sure I wanted him. He treated me poorly, he had a very short temper, and he hit my mother, he sure

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