by Travis Casey

Created on: January 05, 2009   Last Updated: August 16, 2009

A woman's life support machine (also known her purse or handbag) contains magic. When I'm out and about with my wife, she is like a genie and her purse the bottle.

If we have just had a meal and I state that I need a toothpick; Presto! She dives into the handbag and out comes a toothpick. If I need a pen, she asks which color of ink I require. Tweezers, knives, bottle opener, eye drops - it's all child's play for her and her purse. The only thing the magical purse does not contain is cash. That's the one article that does a disappearing act once it hits the handbag.

She seems to carry an array of surgical equipment in this magical bag as well. If she starts to look a bit worn out, ten minutes with the contains of her purse and she looks a new woman. I think she calls it make up but it certainly transforms a woman with surgical skill. She can leave the house with red lips and come back home sporting a new pink look.

We were the unfortunate victims of a purse snatching at London Heathrow airport. I say "we" because somehow the whole incident was my fault. I'm still trying to work out how it was my fault but I think it's something to do with the fact that I am the husband. Where there is a husband, there is blame.

The nightmare began trying to fill out the insurance claim for what was the contents of the handbag. Brain surgery must be easier than trying to establish what is carried in that little piece of magic called a purse.

Of course there were passports and the one time in her life my wife admitted to having cash in her purse, and the bag gets snatched. And the purse itself; which started an argument in itself when she told me how much she paid for it. But those were the easy bits.

We price guessed how much bottle openers, tooth picks and the other miscellaneous items cost, but of course her most valuable asset in there was the make up. The insurance company wanted receipts for everything but it was not possible to find receipts for the build up of make up which had been collected and thrown into the purse over time. Being the logical one, I told her to just go out and buy replacement make up and I would submit those receipts for the insurance claim.

Of course she was ecstatic that I had granted her Carte Blance to go on a spending spree, especially where make up was concerned. How I managed to stay out of the cardiac unit of the general hospital I will never know. She came back with receipts totaling 227 (about $385).

"ARE YOU CRAZY?" I think were my exact words. Of course another argument ensued. Her defense was "Well, you want me to look good don't you"? And "Make up is expensive". I could see I was getting nowhere so I resorted to a line that the insurance company would never accept such a ludicrously high amount of money being spent on make up alone.

The insurance company reduced the amount paid out on the purse itself because of wear and tear. And adjusted a few other things here and there because that's what insurance companies do. But as for the make up, they reimbursed us the full amount we claimed.

Must have been a female insurance adjuster.

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