Long distance love can work when given special attention.Tenacity, trust and planning are required in order for long-distance love to not only last but to evolve into long term relationships.
Before we were married, my husband and I dated for two years while living four hundred miles apart. Steely determination and a firm belief in our relationship kept us together. The dynamics of families, careers and other commitments created huge challenges for us. But after our initial meeting we acknowledged that we wanted to pursue a relationship. We worked hard to overcome the obstacles of living so far apart but to make it work both of us had to be prepared to make a commitment otherwise the relationship would have disintegrated.
Take your time to get to know the other person. While on vacation or on line you may meet someone who lives in another city and think he/she is the one you'd like to be with, but essentially you don't really know them. Get to know the person before you jump into a relationship that may turn out to be may be a mistake. Long- distance love runs the risk of being totally idealized and romanticized. Add some reality to the dream and your long-distance love may indeed be the one.
Commitment is definitely number one on the list. How committed are you? Is this the person you want to spend your available free time with? Can you remain committed by being totally faithful and honest with this other person? Only you can answer these questions honestly. Even small doubts can create disharmony in a long distance relationship.
If you have concerns about the relationship communication is key to resolving questions. Without vocalizing what you are thinking the other person cannot read your mind. Not being able to see someone totally negates all the communication body language allows. If you want to sustain a long- distance relationship you should talk on the phone and not rely solely on email. Sometimes emailed thoughts, ideas and emotions are distorted and misunderstood,.
A verbal conversation allows back and forth dialogue. Set a time each day when you can talk on the phone. Some days will allow for longer conversations than others but when you know the phone is going to ring it is something for both of you to look forward to. Some of our best telephone conversations lasted into the small hours of the morning. We may have been sleepy the following day but the conversations were certainly worth it.
Do try to email or send a text daily. At the very beginning of our relationship we spent lot of time emailing which created an easy ebb and flow of written conversation. Whenever we emailed we would always answer each other as soon as we could and did not let an email lag for a day or two. Long -distance communicating means keeping on top of each email as the other person will wonder why they have not heard from you. There may also be issues that you e-talk about that may be easier to digest and think about and then answer after consideration. We were amazed at how much ground we covered every day on many different subjects which further fueled our curiosities to go on line every day.
Make regular dates when you can travel to see each other. You can only do so much over the phone and email. Long distances are difficult to navigate especially when you cannot drive or take a train as air travel may be prohibitively expensive. Take turns traveling to see each other so that you both show a willingness to commit to a long- distance relationship. It may be easier for one to travel if there are children involved or differing financial situations. Be pragmatic with each others limitations then arrange dates when you will see each other. Plan to spend special days together such as Valentine's Day, birthdays and other special events. Long- distance love needs that extra attention.T
Try to have an end goal. Is this long- distance relationship going to result in both of you living together in the same city? Long- distance relationships cannot last forever so try to have a plan, whether it is a one year plan or a three year plan. Who can move easier? Are you prepared to pick up and re-locate? Do your kids like him/her? Many questions and considerations are involved in this enormous move.
Long- distance love and relationships are viable and can result in very positive life altering changes. What is needed is communication, commitment, trust, honesty and a huge willingness to be flexible and open-minded.