by Marijoyce Porcelli

Created on: January 05, 2009

Recently I had one of my church-going neighbors, someone I didn't really know other than by infrequent sightings in the distance now and again, knock on my front door.

Before I could even say hello she frantically pushed some religious pamphlets toward me that, at a glance, seemed to be literature that would explain why her beliefs were right and mine were all wrong.

In the next minute she began to spout Biblical passages, long ones and verbatim, that she claimed would support her religion.

Frankly I was a bit impressed.

At first.

Even if I didn't agree with her on all points, I was awed at her memory for detail. Plus, I'm always up for a friendly debate.

So, when I could finally get a word in edgewise, mainly when she had to pause to take a breath, I told her I thought she had some interesting thoughts. However, I also remarked that it seemed to me that the Bible could support a lot of different belief systems.

"Take the idea of reincarnation for example," I said. "A lot of people think that's just so much hooey. Not me, but a lot of others have that opinion about that subject. Yet, isn't there something in the Bible that supports even that? I'm not up on these Biblical passages like you obviously, but, just to paraphrase, it seems to me that somewhere in Ecclesiastes it reads something along the lines of, There is nothing new under the sun. What is now has been before.' Couldn't that part of the Bible actually support reincarnation?"

Then I said I guessed it was all in how you interpreted any particular passage. Or which Bible you read. There were after all, I reminded her, several versions.

This woman, instead of continuing what I had assumed was going to be a neighborly theological discussion, became still and quiet. She took one step back and gave me a cold and glassy stare. Her whole demeanor changed in an instant.

Her body grew rigid, her eyes blazed with sudden and intense anger, so that she looked almost deranged. Her upper lip began to curl into a sneer. Her odd reaction to my answers was similar to what might have resulted if I had suddenly pulled a rattlesnake from behind my back and had thrown it at her.

Frowning fiercely, she then leaned forward and shook a long bony finger right in my face.

"You madam," she cried angrily. "You are filled with a demon! You need to be exorcised!"

This was such a surprising response I took one step backward.

"Geez, is that right?" I asked. "And here all morning long I thought I just had gas."

The nerve of some people!

And all because I didn't agree with her on every point.

"It wouldn't do me any good to get exorcised anyway," I told her. "Chances are I'd just forget to pay my exorcist and get repossessed."

At that reply, she snatched the pamphlets from my hands, whirled and stomped away.

I never saw her again near my home after that.

The overwhelming relief of this, I'm pretty sure, was mutual.

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