by Ashley Sickler

Created on: January 05, 2009

Some people are just born introverts. And it's sad that as we grow older shy people are regarded and stand-offish and unfriendly. When I was a little girl, 4 or 5 years old, I lived with my grandmother. When there was any noise at the front door, the doorbell or a loud knock, I'd run to the end of the hall turn off my light and hide behind my bed. If it was anyone visiting that wasn't my mother I would creep slowly down the hall until I was at the end of it hidden from the living room by only a wall. It would maybe take me two minutes to come out of hiding unless my grandmother beckoned me first.

Later I grew up and was always shy. I mostly blamed it on my mother, because she is the most boisterous person I have ever known. She talked enough for the both of us, so I didn't have to contribute more to conversations than to nod my head or laugh appropriately. Still, growing up I had plenty of good friends. Friends that accepted my shy behavior until I got to know them. Saw that deep down I was funny, introspective, and bright.

Now as an adult it is hard to maintain that same friendships, or even create new ones. Because now, since leaving college, it seems people can't accept that I'm just quiet until you get to know me. Friends think I don't really care because I don't call all the time. I am just not a phone person. Friendships are now hard to start and maintain.

Last night I went to a dessert party only to find that I didn't know hardly anyone. But they all seemed to know me, because they know my Mother and Father-in-law, and recognized my 2-year-old son. I felt so uncomfortable conversing with people who seemed to know about me and I didn't even know their names. Eventually, I felt as though I irritated and hurt people's feelings by my quiet answers. It wasn't my intention I just didn't have anything more to say then answer their questions.

My husband on the other hand is an absolute extrovert. He talks freely with people and instantly they like him. I envy that ability. I envy the ease he seems to have while having to force myself to put so much more effort into relationships and friendships. I have to force myself out of my shell. I have to grit my teeth and seem relaxed even when I'm not.

I suggest if you meet someone who strikes you as introverted to be patient with them. Take the initiative and call them. When they become comfortable they will begin to call you too. Sometimes when someone seems in their own little world it doesn't mean they don't want to share it with you - they just aren't sure how to invite you into it. But given the chance they can be wonderful, listening, and caring friends.

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