by Housemom

Created on: January 04, 2009

Does anyone really know how to move on when their parents give up on them? Most people have the sense of obligation to their parents. I understand and know this feeling very well. Most parents are good parents and are there for their children and grandchildren. But there are some parents who just don't care or care once in awhile. I have the kind of parents who care once in awhile or when it benefits them. Even though I know what kind of parents they are, I still feel obligated to them. Why? Why do we feel that we have to be around them or help them? I have been battling this question for years. My parents left my sister and I in the care of strangers as soon as we were born. We were given up and to our parents that was easy. My sister and I had a hard time coping with the fact that neither parent wanted or needed us. We grew up in foster care until our mother decided we were old enough for her to take us back. Since then we have regretted knowing our mother and meeting our real father. Let me explain my mother. My mother is vindictive, a pathological liar, a user, mentally abusive, and sometimes she does get physicall. I have known her since I was 11 years old. When she first got us back we were treated fairly, but as the years went on we were more like her help then her children. As we grew up in her home we noticed a lot about her. She loved to tell stories that were untrue, she went through a lot of men, we moved constantly, and we watched as she used people for her own benefit. My sister and I vowed not to be anything like her. I basically raised my sister from 11 years old and on. Our mother is still in our lives but we know to watch our backs with her.

Now let me tell you about our father. The first time we met him, he was arguing with our mother over child support. We were sitting in the car with the door open. We heard the entire conversation. The one statement he made about us stuck in my mind more than anything else. My mother said these are your children, you need to help me take care of them. His comeback was I don't want nothing to do with these bastard children. We were crushed as any child would be.

My sister and I are in our late 20's now and we know both of our parents. Our mother is in both of our lives and our father is only in my life once in awhile. My sister just gave up on our father, which was the best thing for her. My sister still talks to my mother but will not go to her home or hand out with her. My mother and sister get along a lot better that way. As for me I am no longer speaking to my mother for good reasons. Not speaking to her gives me a sense of peace. Sometimes it is better to just give up on them before they hurt you anymore. My father and I talk at least 4 times a year. We have a great relationship and I don't want to change it.

How do you move on when given up by your parents? Well the answer is going to be different for everyone. My sister and I have found that sometimes you have to give up on them like they did to you, or just keep the contact minimum. The only other advise I can give is if you don't want to give up on them, then you should have a deep and meaning conversation with them. Tell them how you feel, what you would like to accomplish with them, and see how they react. If they want to work through the issues with you then that is great. If they don't then I believe you should weigh all of your options and make a decision that you will have to stick to. Good luck to all that are stuck in this situation and god bless.

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