by Lisa Parris

Created on: January 03, 2009

The allure of the unknown, the appeal of an instant connection, the hint of possible romance- these are the ways the internet seduces. It offers up secrecy, fantasy, and excitement all with point and click ease. Oh, it all starts out innocently enough. Our thoughts and feelings flow from our fingers out into cyberspace, seeking a sympathetic ear or sounding board, and land directly in the heart of another. We "chat". They understand us. We feel ever so much better. In this manner, the seeds are planted for the perfect romance. Over time, powerful emotions can even turn into shared virtual sexual encounters.

It is all too easy to deny any damage has been done to our real-life partner. No physical contact has been made. You could pass your virtual "friend" on the street and never even know. It isn't really cheating, is it?

It sure is.

People who discover their partner has been involved in online sexual affairs are devastated. It shatters their assumptions of honesty and trust. The commitment to exclusivity has been broken. As far as the betrayed partner is concerned, there is negligible difference between a private chat room and a seedy motel. The trauma is the same and the recovery from it is just as slow.

There is nothing innocent about hurting other people. So what's the difference between having Cyber Friends and Emotional Infidelity? If you answer "yes" to more than five of the following questions, you may be crossing the line.

1 Do you spend too much time online?

In this case, too much means more than four hours a week chatting with potential sexual partners.

2 Do you look forward to spending time with your online "friend"?

When you are not online, do you find yourself thinking about your internet friends? Do you think of them often and look forward to chatting with them? Are you upset or even angry if this isn't possible?

3 Is your online friend a secret?

Are you abruptly shutting the computer off when your partner walks in the room? Obsessively clearing your history and temporary files? Have you shared the fact that you have an online friend with your partner? Why not? If you're not doing anything wrong Do you keep it to yourself because you know your partner would react negatively? Maybe you don't tell because the idea of having a secret friend is exciting to you.

4 Do you chat about your relationship problems with your online friend?

Is he/she someone you feel comfortable discussing your personal life with? Do you tell him/her more about what you want out of life;

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>