by Caitlin Allope Whitefeather

Created on: January 03, 2009   Last Updated: April 16, 2011

Many times people ask if there is life after have asked if there is life after Domestic Abuse. For those of us who manage to find the courage to leave and it does take a great deal of courage to do so.

The first place we go is the police station, whose attitude to domestic Violence (DV) has improved dramatically to what it was in the late 1990's when I was escaping abuse. They will talk to the victim and tell her the options she has.

Often they will help her retrieve some things from the matrimonial home.

(I will through this article refer to Female's being abused as that is what I know, that is not to say that there are not many men who may be abused by their spouses and I in no way mean to insinuate that it is only women being abused.)

The second place we usually go is a refuge out of the area of or abuse. For example if you were abused in London you may choose a refuge in Northampton. The refuge staff gives unfailing support to the victim and the children, including counselling which for many helps them to heal a lot of the emotional wounds and helps them "box up" all the bad feelings so that they are able to move on in their lives

After a while you are re-housed by the local authority where you are living. In some area's Refuge support stops then. In others they run an "Out Reach Programme" and visit the former Refuge resident.

The refuge workers also help get the children into new schools, doctors allocated, restraining orders, divorces and any other legal help you require.

Is there life after Domestic Abuse? There is if you want it.

In my case, I left a violent partner in September of 1995, he had beaten and raped me leaving me with a damaged spleen that needed hospitalisation.

I left and was taken to Bedfordshire to a refuge there and allocated a place at a family centre for my child to socialise with other children of her age. I spent 3 months in that refuge before being moved up to Northampton. My child was placed in school there and enjoyed being a "normal" child.

We were re-housed into a small flat in Northampton and the refuge still kept in touch. The worker's name was Anna and with her help I managed to rebuild my life and my confidence. I have since moved back to my hometown and taken courses to become a teaching assistant.
Am I particularly bright? Not really.

There is life after Domestic Violence if you accept the available help and want to have a life after Domestic Violence. However all the help in the world cannot do it for you if you, yourself are not willing to work to build yourself a new life. It isn't easy but it can be done.

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