by Sarah Brodie

Created on: January 03, 2009   Last Updated: January 17, 2009

There are many concerns about the effects of single mothers raising sons and I definitely agree that it is a problem for boys to grow up without a male influence. A boy needs someone to teach him how not only how to become a man, but to become a good man. Not only the kind we want to marry, but the kind we want our daughters to marry. Do I believe a woman can teach her child the necessary skills to become a man? Yes, in many ways and no, in others. It's a difficult balance when you have one person trying to do it all. Unless you have a strong support system, I don't believe most of us can achieve it on our own. Moms can put their boys in sports and all the other activities that boys want to be involved with and teach him how to do the right thing. But, the question remains, is there more to it?

I was a single parent for the first eight years of my son's life and I believe I did a pretty darn good job at it. When I remarried a year and a half ago, I realized something amazing. I was working so hard to raise someone to be a good, strong person, that sometimes I didn't let him be a kid as much as I should. He didn't get to run and be crazy since we always lived in apartments. Play time was limited to times we could go to parks. He was never allowed to sit and play video games for hours, but he sure loves to do it with his step-dad. Seriously, how many moms like to play video games? The secret seems to be balance which I believe most single parents have a difficult time finding.

I always tried so hard to do the right thing by my son and he was always a happy child. But something happened when I got married that I never expected. He became someone else. He has gained confidence and self-esteem that I had never seen until now. Did I expect these changes? Not in a million years. Why would I? He was happy, did pretty well in sports, was always eager to try new activities, and he was a great student. His teachers and coaches always told me how hard he tried and how well he behaved. Those words were like a pat on the back saying good job to a single mom. But I found that you can try too hard to do the right thing and miss out on some of the joys in life. Having a strong man come into my son's life was a blessing not only for my son but also for me and not in the ways most would expect. I was given a chance to sit back and breathe. It wasn't just about having an extra set of hands or the extra income but a release of the pressure and fear of me being able to do everything right. I now had someone by my side to confirm what I believed was right and let me know when I needed to ease up and let him go a little. It's hard to let go of the reigns even a little when you live in fear of messing up with your most important job.

Is it necessary for a man to be in a young boy's life? No one can say for certain. I believe that when it comes down to it, it's not the sex of the people involved in your child's life, but the quality of the people in your son's life. My son had a part time dad that paid support because the courts forced him and saw him on a minimal basis. That kind of man does nothing for a boy. If it came down to it, I would only want a good man in my son's life.
Is any of this based on research or date? Nope, just nine years dedicated to raising a happy, healthy son that knows his expectations today and tomorrow.

Learn more about this author, Sarah Brodie.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.