by Emma K. Jones

Created on: January 03, 2009

A New Door
The day started as all the others. I woke up and struggled to get the kids fed and off to school. Tired and weary are a few words I can use to describe my mood. Most days I can find solace in my Bible. My few moments of meditation with my God. A silent time to listen to his wisdom and to find direction for my life. Today, I was more tired than normal. Today, I was to meet my husband at the Clerk of Courts to file for a divorce.

The divorce is not a surprise. We have been separated for a year. He has a new girlfriend and makes it quite known on his myspace page that he is in love and is the happiest he has ever been in his life. Funny. I thought he said that when we got married. Only four years ago. Four short years.

I met him at 9:30 am. There was part of me that wanted to dress up and to make him think twice about the woman he was divorcing. Part of me could have cared less and was doing good to make the 9:30 time. I chose to just be me. As if I was on my way to work. I kept praying and hoping the feeling of bitterness would pass. I have been angry the last few days and I know that today he wins.

The paperwork that he had downloaded was not complete so we encountered even more time hashing out the particulars. It was painful for me. To be there and revisit all the plans I had previously made with him. Our plans for the RV and the house. How we would share custody of our son and who had the best benefits. The time just went so slowly as we filled out form after form. Each signature stung. I fought to keep the tears away and tired to focus on my meditation. I was so bitter when I thought about how the new girlfriend was waiting for him and the celebration they would soon be having together.

I left the office feeling numb. In a month I would be single again. That would be that. Simple. Get married. Give three years away to someone. Go in and sign some more papers and you can be single. Again. The simplicity left me feeling empty. I wanted more. I wanted him to hurt. I wanted to be the one to celebrate. I wanted to be the one that hadn't been fool enough to marry in the first place. I wanted to be right.

And then it hit me. I knew it was not about what I wanted. Right or wrong. My directions came from God and he was in control. As hard as it was to leave my selfish thoughts, I turned my attention to him and prayed for his comfort. I started my car and headed off to finish my errands, hanging on to every lyric on the Christian station on the radio.

When I got

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