The Importance of Mutual Respect between Parents and Children
Understanding the importance of mutual respect within the parent-child relationship requires that we first have a clear definition of what respect itself actually entails. According to Webster, respect is the "willingness to show deferential consideration, appreciation, and regard for another's opinion, wishes, and judgment." As adults we usually understand the importance of demonstrating such regard for those we consider our equals or those in positions of authority. Yet, as parents, we often mistakenly view respect as a one-way street, placing ourselves on the receiving end of what we consider our just due. We are, after all, the older and wiser, the life-givers and providers of our children. Consequently, we tend to feel that any difference of opinion demonstrated by our children is an act of disrespect.
Certainly, we can not and should not consider our children as our equals in all ways. We have lived longer and have far more life experience to base our opinions and decisions on. Yet, our greater level of knowledge and experience does not supersede the fact that our children are people too, complete with feelings, ideas, and desires. And recognition and consideration of these is ultimately linked with their sense of dignity and self-worth. Discipline expert and parent educator, Judy Arnall, stresses the importance of treating our children as we would want to be treated. As human beings, "children have the right to feel all their feelings, to have their body's dignity respected, and are entitled to expect to be treated worthily" (Arnall). This is the foundation of mutual respect.
This is not to say that we should allow our children to do whatever they want or change our decisions because they may disagree. It is our responsibility to teach them right and wrong. By doing so, they will ultimately make better choices as they grow and mature. But mutual respect means that we, as parents, must be willing to take the time to listen to their wishes and viewpoints just as we expect them to listen to ours. We must also be willing to compromise when doing so does not jeopardize their safety or the values we are attempting to teach them. By allowing them to make choices within acceptable limits, we are demonstrating our trust and respect for them as individuals.
Ways Parents Can Show Respect for Children
1. Allow children to voice their ideas without being interrupted by doing so, we are demonstrating respectful listening skills as well as telling them that what they have to say is important and worthwhile.
2. Allow children to make mistakes mistakes are tools for learning. They allow us to gain lasting life experience and teach us not to fear risk or failure. Allowing children to make choices helps them to gain knowledge and maturity. In many cases, it can also help them to gain a healthy respect for the knowledge you have to offer them.
3. Allow room for polite disagreement by allowing children to voice an opposing viewpoint and participate in a well-mannered debate teaches them to be open-minded, examine the other sides of issues, stand up for what they believe, and learn to compromise.
4. Say no when necessary, and stick to it doing what's best for your child is your number one responsibility. If you must say no, explain why. Never say, "Because I said so." Do not use angry words or sarcasm. And always stand by your decision.
5. Teach children self-respect allow children to participate in decision making, teach them that having rights comes with responsibility, hold them accountable for their choices.
Benefits of Developing a Mutual Respect Relationship
1. Mutual respect in the parent-child relationship will lead to a closer emotional relationship.
2. Promoting mutual respect will enhance communication skills.
3. Teaching mutual respect will also teach self-respect and respect for others.
4. Mutual respect between parent and child will help a child to feel worthwhile and able to overcome difficulties, leading to a greater self-esteem and a sense of security.
5. Mutual respect will lead to mutual trust.
6. Raising a child in an environment of mutual respect will encourage independence and responsibility.
As parents, we are responsible for the physical and emotional well-being of our children. It is our job to teach them the values necessary to become positive members of society. This is best done through example. Flaunting parental authority can lead to an ongoing power struggle. But by demonstrating respect for self and child, as well as others, we teach our children to do the same.
References:
Webster's II New Riverside Dictionary, pp. 183, 583-84
Arnall, Judy, "Discipline without Distress." www.professionalparenting.ca
Children and Respect, http://www.umext.maine.edu