by Carol Wohlfeil

Created on: January 02, 2009

The Importance of Mutual Respect between Parents and Children

Understanding the importance of mutual respect within the parent-child relationship requires that we first have a clear definition of what respect itself actually entails. According to Webster, respect is the "willingness to show deferential consideration, appreciation, and regard for another's opinion, wishes, and judgment." As adults we usually understand the importance of demonstrating such regard for those we consider our equals or those in positions of authority. Yet, as parents, we often mistakenly view respect as a one-way street, placing ourselves on the receiving end of what we consider our just due. We are, after all, the older and wiser, the life-givers and providers of our children. Consequently, we tend to feel that any difference of opinion demonstrated by our children is an act of disrespect.

Certainly, we can not and should not consider our children as our equals in all ways. We have lived longer and have far more life experience to base our opinions and decisions on. Yet, our greater level of knowledge and experience does not supersede the fact that our children are people too, complete with feelings, ideas, and desires. And recognition and consideration of these is ultimately linked with their sense of dignity and self-worth. Discipline expert and parent educator, Judy Arnall, stresses the importance of treating our children as we would want to be treated. As human beings, "children have the right to feel all their feelings, to have their body's dignity respected, and are entitled to expect to be treated worthily" (Arnall). This is the foundation of mutual respect.

This is not to say that we should allow our children to do whatever they want or change our decisions because they may disagree. It is our responsibility to teach them right and wrong. By doing so, they will ultimately make better choices as they grow and mature. But mutual respect means that we, as parents, must be willing to take the time to listen to their wishes and viewpoints just as we expect them to listen to ours. We must also be willing to compromise when doing so does not jeopardize their safety or the values we are attempting to teach them. By allowing them to make choices within acceptable limits, we are demonstrating our trust and respect for them as individuals.

Ways Parents Can Show Respect for Children

1. Allow children to voice their ideas without being interrupted by doing so, we are demonstrating respectful

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