by Ken Tanaka

Created on: January 01, 2009   Last Updated: January 02, 2009

Whilst being a man is hard, being a guy is easy. Its many meanings include the following:

Physically: You are of the male gender, have two eyes and ears, arms and legs, a liver, a football, a penis, and maybe a brain, though not all in the same place.

Spiritually: You are one...you are one...you are one.

Emotionally: Um...sorry. That's a really big word...Have I heard it somewhere before? Does it start with U? Do I capitalize it?

Religiously: You were created before Eve, who ate the apple and got us all into this mess. So Eve should do the dishes.

Psychologically: You have to like yourself or nobody else will. You also need to take more "me time", but your significant other twists this phrase at you saying, "Me time...as in ME time!" pointing wildly to herself, as if watching basketball with the guys and being two hours late for a dinner date is somehow wrong. You really should ignore her. She isn't letting you feel good about you.

Mathematically: Guy= O+< Girl= O3>

Economically: "Money is important! Did you know there are illuminati symbols in the American dollar? I bet Barack Obama is an Illuminati lord!"

Politically: You refuse to call policemen police officers, because cops are pretty much "always dudes" anyhow, and nobody expects you to call firemen "firepersons". What do they want next? Tobey MacGuire as "Spiderperson?"

Nutritionally: If someone ate an egg, he would have eaten about 100 calories. If someone were to eat you, they would be a cannibal. In addition to this, vegetables are bad for you.

Culinary: "Who says Mac and Cheese isn't nutritious? And French fries count as a vegetable serving. Can buffalos fly? They have wings! What do you mean they can't fly...Excuse my wife...she's not very bright."

Gymnastically: You are king. You are better than the other guys at sports, even though they roughly a rolling pin taller than you.

Logically: The other guy is always wrong, even if he is agreeing with you in French, because you don't speak French.

Culturally: You are an avid fan of art collections as Star Wars bottle caps. Like Donatello, you are an avid fan of the female nude, and read such literary masterpieces as Hustler and Playboy. Also, it is common knowledge that both Quentin Tarantino and Guy Ritchie are master art-film makers.

Educationally: You know all about World War II and can name pretty much every US fighter plane by heart, having constructed and painted all the plastic models as a child. You are also sure the Cold War took place in Iceland, and that French fries come from France. Grammar is also spelt with an "e". And you are right, even if that French guy is saying the same thing as you in French.

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