by Tammy Lim

Created on: January 01, 2009

When children are given some guided choices appropriately and gradually whenever possible, rather than given commands all the time, this helps build their decision making ability and self-confidence. This is by far better than giving commands alone, as giving children commands alone in upbringing stifles the growth of their decision making ability which may result in an overly dependant mindset and a general lack of self-confidence. This style of parenting and its result can be seen in the several of our earlier generation of adults.

Although it is important that our children listen to and obey parents' commands, it is actually beneficial to allow our children to make informed choices and decide for themselves from a young age. The chance to make guided choices from young helps teach and train children in analysis and decision making, which is critical in their life ahead.

When the giving of choices to children is done appropriately and gradually, with tight control from a young age and slowly releasing our grip, it actually has a positive benefit and training element for our children's development as they grow.

The giving of choices needs to be gradual, very limited in the beginning; the giving should be in the form of a "V" shape, from bottom up.
For example, when our child is small, we may decide to ask them to choose between two selected books. As they grow slightly older, parents may decide to allow their child to choose between doing their homework at this desk or that desk. Or, parents may also allow their child the choice between the selected red or pink pants.
As they reach their late childhood or early teenage years, we may ask our children to choose between this or that extra curricular class to take.

We as parents need to limit the type and number of choices we give our children. For certain life changing and key issues, parents should not give their children any choice. For example, our children need to know they have NO choice in regards to whether to do or not to do their homework. They HAVE to do their school homework.

When parents wisely give children choices sparingly and appropriately rather than commands all the time, our children learn decision making, at the same time having the security of a clear parental guidance. Children feel more secure when they have a clear guideline of what can be done and what cannot be done. Children will feel good to have the chance to have some selective choices at times. This boosts their confidence in their decision making ability.

There are many benefits of giving children choices rather than commands. By giving our children choices and grooming them from a young age teach them decision making. Children who have experience making choices from a young age will find it much easier to make critical choices when they truly need to when they grow up. When parents give their children choices, they are building a key skill and also laying a solid foundation and providing a path for their children's life for a brighter future.

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