by J.T. Livingston

Created on: January 01, 2009   Last Updated: April 06, 2009

SEXLESS RELATIONSHIPS ARE MORE COMMON THAN YOU REALIZE.

Most people would consider a relationship without sex, regardless of one's sexual orientation, to be abnormal; on the other hand, those same people might actually envy those people in these type relationships. There is no definitive explanation for why people chose to remain in a sexless relationship, just as there is no reasonable explanation why others chose to remain in a relationship where sex is the only factor holding it together.

It doesn't matter whether you've been together 6 years or 60 years it can happen to anyone. The passion that sizzled between the sheets when a relationship was fresh, new, and exciting, can burn out quicker than most men can unzip their pants at the prospect of scoring one for the Old Gipper. Like the snake slithering throughout the Garden of Eden, it sneaks up on couples. The weekly sex that once was anticipated and explored suddenly becomes monthly sex that is expected and dreaded. It isn't long before the monthly sex becomes quarterly or even yearly sex.

What causes this? So many things: physical discomfort or ailments, exhaustion from life's daily drudgeries, unemployment and/or financial worries, raising children, nosey in-laws, feeling tied down, change-of-life, weight gain, low libido, depression, anxiety, or the fact that you just never liked sex to begin with the list of explanations and excuses is endless.

It might surprise you to learn that a very large percentage of people in committed relationships are currently experiencing diminishing or even non-existent sex lives. Some may go to counseling in hopes of revitalizing the dwindling flame of desire, while others, are perfectly content to remain status-quo in their sexless relationships. No one can say that either solution is the correct or wrong solution. What we can deduce is that each solution is a very private, individual one. What works for one couple may not necessarily work for another, nor will they expect or want it to work.

There are many web sites and support groups that people in sexless relationships can research and join. The most important thing for them to realize is that their situation is not unique; they are not the only people living life with a partner who, for whatever reason, no longer desires to engage in sexual activities; and that, there is help available for those wanting to recapture the relationship's early passion.

For those individuals living with someone who is unwilling to participate in rekindling their sex lives, then I think the solution is obvious - get out while there is still time to find someone who has the same desires and sex drive as you do. If you truly love your partner and do not want to trade him/her for a more energetic model, then that solution is also obvious - accept the fact that the love and respect you share for one another will have to be expressed in some form other than the physical act of sex.

There is no single solution for everyone; however, there is hope for everyone.

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