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One of the biggest obstacles to self-expression is knowing which self to express. It could be said that our purpose in life is to discover the true self. If we are afraid of expressing ourselves, it is likely that the self we are afraid to express is not the real self.

What is the self? The current self is nothing more than a collection of ideas we have about who we are. There may be some accurate ideas and some wildly inaccurate ideas about who we are. We all know people who are arrogant, who think too highly of themselves, usually without reason. We also know people who hold a low opinion of themselves, sometimes also not deserved.

The fear of expressing the self that we currently believe in is that others will not find that self attractive or likeable. We are constantly trying to create a self-image that others will like. We try to behave in ways that others will find acceptable. No matter what age we are, we want others to think we are "cool," however that might be defined.

Expressing yourself usually means being spontaneous, acting impulsively, not thinking through every word or act ahead of time to see if it is acceptable. The fact is, some people may not like you if you express yourself. That's a good thing. You can eliminate them from your circle of friends and only hang out with those who accept you for who you are.

How can you know if someone likes you if you are unwilling to show them who you are? If you express some image that you think is acceptable and people like that image, do they really like you? So the fear of expressing yourself is really based on a deep-seated belief that the self that you really are is not very good. I have had people tell me that if others knew what they were really like, they wouldn't like them.

We are all flawed in one way or another. In physical life there is no such thing as perfection. We judge the flaws of others and we judge our own flaws. But if perfection was a requirement to be loved, there wouldn't be any love in the world. We love others in spite of flaws and imperfections. We are loved in spite of ours.

Many people express themselves through some form of creativity, through art, music, writing, dance, acting, etc. This is an important form of self-expression and it takes a certain amount of courage to put your creativity out for others to see and judge. But it is most difficult to express ourselves fully in our mundane interactions on a daily basis.

My own bias is that we tend to underestimate who we are. Even as we try to polish up some kind of positive self-image, we believe we are hiding a self who is not really that wonderful. I believe that beneath the mask that we present for public consumption and beneath the self we think is the flawed but real self, is a true self that is magnificent beyond our imagination.

I believe that we are all divine beings, pieces of God, by whatever name you call Him or Her. We are not just afraid of expressing that divine self. We are afraid to even admit that such a self exists within us. But we do express that self whenever we smile at someone, whenever we are kind or compassionate, whenever we listen to a friend or laugh with someone. The divine peeks out of our eyes when we least expect it.

This is the self that we should all try to express at every opportunity. This is the self who loves, who cares, who seeks what is best for everyone. This is the self who sees past the flaws and imperfections in others and also accepts one's own without judgment. This self exists right now if we can find the courage to express it.

Learn more about this author, Bob Trowbridge.
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