by Elizabeth Rogers

Created on: December 31, 2008   Last Updated: November 28, 2011

The best way to handle a backstabbing person is to turn around and show them your face, so to speak. If you have heard something unkind or untrue that has been spoken behind your back by someone you are in a relationship with, bringing it up to them is a surefire way to make them aware of their undermining ways.

If someone speaks maliciously about us and we do not have reason to value their opinion, their words are deflected by our natural tendencies towards self-protection. It is when we have removed some of these protective emotional walls that we are vulnerable to the kind of pain that comes from being spoken poorly about behind our backs. The pain goes in through the door we have left open to someone we think of as a friend. It is time to re-evaluate the trustworthiness of that so-called friendship, and if it seems worth the effort, to deal with the issues point blank.

Friendships need a heavy dose of grace to be long-lasting as well as all of the good qualities that make them worthwhile. In bringing the back-stabbing comments into the open with someone we desire a healthy relationship with, it would be wise to realize that some people put others down in order to better their own perceived sense of acceptance with someone else, and that they may not actually desire to harm the friendship that they are betraying. Have you ever found yourself doing this? Probably at least once or twice. This gives you a place of grace to stand on in your initial attempt to rectify what has been done to you. If the person who betrayed you truly wants to have a friendship, he/she will regret what they have done, not only that you brought it up, and they will work towards re-establishing trust. They will even be glad, on a certain level, that you brought your knowledge to their attention.

If the backstabber shows no real remorse, or tries to justify what they have done, beware. This person is not a real friend, no matter how nice they have been to your face or what seemingly enjoyable experiences you have shared with them. This person is a friend to themselves and the situations that they want to be in control of. Insecurity is a driving force here, and insecurity is no friend to faithfulness. Guard your heart. This does not mean that you need to end all association with a half-hearted friend, but it does mean that you need to be responsible for what you share with them and how deeply you allow yourself to be involved with them emotionally.

If the friendship has any hope, time will be on your side. People do change sometimes and forgiveness goes a long way in repairing broken hearts. If things never improve, you have not really lost a friend, because you never really had one in this person. There are many wonderful people in the world; honest, caring people. Those people are worth investing in and you will be so pleased to hear the nice things that they say about you behind your back! Talk about those people in positive ways when they are not in hearing range, and there will be smiles all around. And the backstabber stands alone.

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