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Why love hurts so much

One of life's ironies is that your strength could be your weakness. Perhaps a source of happiness could also be a source of anguish. That is the nature of life. To expect that this could never be the case would be to reside happily in fool's paradise. Love- in all its forms- emphasises this. It is the root of all relationships that we have with strangers or our loved ones.

The forms of love can stack up like a pyramid, with Agape (love of God and mankind) at the base and true love at the apex. The higher you scale the pyramid, the greater the potential for both hurt and happiness. This is a parallel to the world of investing, where using growth options can bring greater rewards but potential for loss. Research has shown that love stimulates the brain positively. However, the joy of love can translate into hurt (whether ephemeral or long-lasting) for several reasons.

1) Love is complex and diverse

Love is a heterogeneous concept. Indeed, there are many manifestations of love other than true love. There can be romantic love, lust, empty love or blind love- to name a few. The problem is that many of us cannot really distinguish what type of love we are experiencing, especially when passion is involved. Sex and intimacy clouds our ability to understand the reality of what we are experiencing. The false reality that many of us accept as genuine or true love can lead to great hurt or disappoint, even while we still believe that we are in love.

2) Intimacy

Only those who know your secrets and innermost side can deliberately reveal it- or use it against you. The higher degree of intimacy that helps to create a bond can be the cause of hurt where love exists. Unfortunately, people sometimes use what they know about you against you in the heat of conflict or just to manipulate you. It can really hurt to have something revealed in intimacy and confidence used against you.

3) Vulnerability and susceptibility

The higher intimacy and bonding that is normally associated with love suggests that we are likely to be more affected by the words and actions of our loved ones. This is because the opinions of significant others normally bear more weight than those of generalised others. The emotions that we feel are often strong and extreme on either side of the emotion continuum. Research has even shown that the same signals we demonstrate with romantic love are similar to our physiological responses when under stress.

4) Unfulfilled expectations

With great expectations come the potential


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