One of life's ironies is that your strength could be your weakness. Perhaps a source of happiness could also be a source of anguish. That is the nature of life. To expect that this could never be the case would be to reside happily in fool's paradise. Love - in all its forms - emphasises this. It is the root of all relationships that we have with strangers or our loved ones.
The forms of love can stack up like a pyramid, with Agape (love of God and mankind) at the base and true love at the apex. The higher you scale the pyramid, the greater the potential for both hurt and happiness. This is a parallel to the world of investing, where using growth options can bring greater rewards but potential for loss. Research has shown that love stimulates the brain positively. However, the joy of love can translate into hurt (whether ephemeral or long-lasting) for several reasons.
1) Love is complex and diverse
Love is a heterogeneous concept. Indeed, there are many manifestations of love other than true love. There can be romantic love, lust, empty love or blind love- to name a few. The problem is that many of us cannot really distinguish what type of love we are experiencing, especially when passion is involved. Sex and intimacy clouds our ability to understand the reality of what we are experiencing. The false reality that many of us accept as genuine or true love can lead to great hurt or disappoint, even while we still believe that we are in love.
2) Intimacy
Only those who know your secrets and innermost side can deliberately reveal it- or use it against you. The higher degree of intimacy that helps to create a bond can be the cause of hurt where love exists. Unfortunately, people sometimes use what they know about you against you in the heat of conflict or just to manipulate you. It can really hurt to have something revealed in intimacy and confidence used against you.
3) Vulnerability and susceptibility
The higher intimacy and bonding that is normally associated with love suggests that we are likely to be more affected by the words and actions of our loved ones. This is because the opinions of significant others normally bear more weight than those of generalised others. The emotions that we feel are often strong and extreme on either side of the emotion continuum. Research has even shown that the same signals we demonstrate with romantic love are similar to our physiological responses when under stress.
4) Unfulfilled expectations
With great expectations come the potential for great disappointment. Love, in whichever form, increases our expectations of our loved one(s). While relationships of any kind can be thought of as a "social contract," relationship expectations are not explicitly stated. We can also have certain expectations of being in love or of what being loved entails (that may even be unrealistic).
When fundamental expectations are not met in a close relationship, there would be the feeling of hurt and disappointment. For example, you may feel comfortable sharing an aspect of yourself that your friend or partner is unable or unwilling to share. As a result, you may feel hurt or pained by what you feel is a lack of reciprocity in the relationship.
5) The fear factor
When we don't love people, what happens to them is unlikely to affect us. Love hurts because it makes us worry about our loved ones more than average. We may also fear that we would lose them or wonder what we would do without them in our lives. The greater the treasure you possess, the greater your fear of loss may be. Where human treasures are concerned, this is no different. Worrying or being concerned can hurt or be painful- sometimes too much so.
When we love, we extend or give of ourselves. Intimacy - in terms of sharing - makes us more vulnerable. Some might argue that it is loss of love that hurts. However, it is more than the loss of love or the fear of loss that hurts. We are more vulnerable and likely to feel pain, hurt and anger even when we are experiencing true love with a person. What typically happens is that the good times outweigh the hurtful moments. The truth is that loving and being in love can hurt; too much sometimes.