by Robert Stadnik

Created on: December 31, 2008   Last Updated: September 17, 2011

Yes, I admit it! I love Pokémon. I became hooked back when they first came out in 1996 during my last two years in college; Pokémon Red and Blue became two more tools of procrastination in my academic career. As I worked to build my career over the next decade I never forgot to snatch up the newest Pokémon game that came out. Currently, there are four hundred ninety three pocket monsters and picking out the best character is an arduous decision. Anyone familiar with Pokémon knows that a trainer can carry up to six of these little rug rats at a time, so it is six Pokémon I will identify as the best. This list is based solely on my blend of fantasy and reality.

• Raichu: I've never liked Pikachu, ever! I'm sorry, but a cute little yellow mouse with a high pitched squee is a girly pet. However, its evolved form Raichu is a stark contrast, looking and acting tough. Sure it may not have the speed of sissy Pikachu but who needs speed when it can probably electrify anything within a one block radius. Besides electric attacks it can use that really long tail as a nasty weapon and its bulky body to deliver some intense body slams.

• Probopass: This Pokémon made my top six based on its unlimited entertainment value. That huge red nose plastered on its face is simply too tempting to pass up for some fun, at other people's expenses. For example, I would give mine the flu. When its nose becomes stuffed up and it starts oozing gobs of green snot I'd take a little trip to the movie theater, preferably one with a second balcony. I'd wait for the movie to start before leaning my Probopass over the railing and letting all that nasty mucus flow down to the unsuspecting crowd below. Hey, it's cheaper than buying Kleenex.

• Exeggutor: It's been my dream to open a breakfast café. I would call it 'Le Omelet House' and I would use my Exeggutor as a free source of eggs. I'd just stick it in the back of the kitchen and pull one of its six heads off, crack it open and serve with bacon (I'd figure one of those heads would provide a whole day's worth of omelets). Uh, those heads do grow back, right?

• Starmie: It may look like an innocent star creature, but this Pokémon would make an excellent bodyguard. Its arm-like appendages move so fast no one could stand up to it. Plus that huge red shiny jewel it has for a face has to be worth a lot of money. Yeah, forget the bodyguard thing I'd sell it for the wad of cash.

• Haunter: It's a ghost Pokémon so it has all sorts of weird powers like invisibility and telekinesis, perfect to begin a life of crime. I'd use it to rob bank vaults. It could just phase through the walls, nab the cash, and escape. I would also use it as a tool to exact revenge on all the people who have wronged me in my life.

• Infernape: This last one was a tough one. I couldn't decide between Infernape, Charizard, Camerupt, Blaziken, or Moltres. I think it has to do with my deep-seeded fascination with fire, at least that's what the doctors have said. Owning an Infernape is way better than playing with matches.

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