by Dossie M Terrell

Created on: December 30, 2008   Last Updated: May 14, 2012

How many times have you heard "forgive and forget?" Do you think it is possible to do so? What if someone has done something unpardonable to you or to someone you care about? Would you be capable of such a noble mindset or would it merely be an aphorism that gives an intellectual persona when you can think of nothing else that provides logic or offers a kernel of sense when horrific acts are committed?

On first take, most everyone will probably agree that it is a tall order to expect from someone who has been a victim of a heinous crime. They might also agree that some folks compartmentalize the nature of offenses before delivering sagacious advice. Was it a mere slight or was it a dreadful crimes? The overarching question becomes how can the offended be made whole again? Is forgetting an important birthday, in which case the offended is capable of being made whole, be an easy case to forgive and forget? Or in the case of a kidnapped child where the child is harmed, what will it take to make the offended parents feel whole again so they will be in a place to forgive and forget?

Over the years, you may have heard "I can forgive, but I will never forget." Can one forget something and never think of it again by simply declaring it? If someone is mugged walking along a dark street, he or she may one day forgive the perpetrator, but it will not serve them well to forget and continue walking along dark streets.

There are those who have had atrocious crimes committed against them who may never embrace forgiving and forgetting. The question becomes, how do they free themselves from their emotional prisons where they are locked into a time and place many can not fathom? Many choose to stay there because being there is the only connection they may have to a lost love one, etc. They need the pain to feel alive and will fight to retain it.

In those cases, it might be helpful to look at forgiveness in a different light; perhaps seeing it as "letting go" of the past and not focusing on pardoning the perpetrators. Perhaps, this will offer victims and their relatives and friends a small measure of solace and a chance to get some perspective in their own lives. Forgiveness is a gracious act and outsiders should not look upon it as mandatory or immediate; it should be on the victim's own terms how and when he or she gets there, if ever.

If there is a lack of strength to forgive and victims are unable to move past the horridness of what happened, they should seek a higher power and authority. Despite the perpetrators' crimes and the victims' feeling about them, there is a heavenly price for their failure to forgive. In Matthew 6:14-14, Jesus says "If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins."

Think about this and remember, our time on earth is transient, but our souls are forever. It is not worth suffering for an offense here on earth and also spending an eternity suffering for that same offense because of the evilness of others. Let it go and turn to God.

God will help all who ask for His help. Victims should try to find strength in His promise in Hebrew 4:16, "Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

When one forgives, either by going though the grieving process or by releasing hurts to God, they are not forgetting what happened, but are simply letting go of the emotional aspect of it. They will find there is healing and wholeness in forgiveness and most gratifying of all, there is liberation.

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