by Strategic San

Created on: December 30, 2008

It is important when raising children to use the opportunities presented in daily life. For example, fights among siblings are the perfect opportunity to teach children about personality clashes and how to resolve conflicts without violence. You will be equipping and preparing them for a life of positive conflict resolution using the power of their words to diffuse hostile situations.

When dealing with two or more siblings involved in a dispute consider each child's level of maturity. You can not expect a seven year old to behave like a ten year old. Children should be taught to avoid hitting, kicking, scratching, biting or anything which could cause physical pain. Also, they are to be taught the power of their words. Words can be used to diffuse or to inflame a situation. Children should be taught to come and tell a grown up when ever a problem arises which leads to someone saying and doing something which might result in a fight. However, a lick or two may get passed before some one comes running to tell.

Before reacting it is very important to get the full story. Let each child explain what happened and get a full understanding. Once you are aware of all the details, explain to them a better way the situation could have been handled. Have them role play and reenact the situation using the words you gave them. Make it fun. Reinforce the importance of learning to get along peacefully with one another. Below is a short story I wrote about an issue that rose up between my grandsons which illustrate the above points.
A Lesson in Resolving a Situation Peacefully

Jordan came and told me that his brother Germaine threw a sock in his face. I called Germaine to ask him if he did in fact throw a sock in Jordan's face. He said yes, and said it was because Jordan threw his cup. Jordan then said, "I threw the cup because he hit me with it." Germaine said, I accidentally dropped it on you when I was going to go put it up. Then, I asked Jordan where was he at? He said he was eating his chips. Now, I had left Jordan at the kitchen table eating his chips and could not understand how Germaine accidentally dropped a cup on him trying to put a cup in the sink.

So, I asked them both how was this possible. I told them to show me what happened. I went towards the kitchen. However, they both went towards their bedroom. As it turned out Germaine was on the top bunk drinking out of a cup and Jordan was sitting on the floor. As Germaine got down from the top bunk he accidentally dropped the cup on Jordan. As Germaine reached for the cup Jordan grabbed it and threw it. That provoked Germaine to pick up a sock and throw it at Jordan.

I was inspired to tell them a better way to handle the situation. I told Germaine the polite thing to do, if you accidentally drop a cup and hit someone, is to apologize and let them know right away it was an accident. Also, I told Jordan, if you get hit with a cup again, find out if it was an accident by simply asking, "Did you mean to hit me with that cup?" Then I had them to role play and to reenact it using the words I told them.

Afterwards, I explained to them how this approach will keep them from getting into physical fights. My grandsons are now ten, eight and seven and they sometimes have conflicts which sometimes result in hitting one another. We are teaching them to not fight with each other and we are hoping they will learn now how to resolve their issues using positive words. Words can either inflame a situation or diffuse it.

All the time I had the two older boys role playing, the younger one Terrance was laughing. He thought this was so funny. He is at the playful age where everything is funny.

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