by Chris Kling

Created on: December 30, 2008

Well, here it is, almost 2009, and you know what that means... time for New Year's Resolutions. Do you find yourself every New Year in self-made traps just like me? Every New Year I seem to make resolutions that are easy to keep - and then there are those I make that are NOT easy to keep. Wonder if you can figure out which ones are the easy ones, and which ones are the hard ones?

For 2009, in the spirit of tri-partisanship, I hereby resolve not to bail out any car company which refuses to let me skip a payment on my car loan.

In order to become more more of the hypnotized masses, I resolve to quit thinking of Barack Hussein Obama as the Islamo-commie I think he really is...

I resolve to get a job. Really. Either that, or I resolve to remember to thank Obama for extending unemployment benefits for the next decade.

I resolve never to tell somebody "Eye-Dee-Kay" when I should be saying "I don't know".

I also resolve not to make invisible "smilies" with my hands when I'm speaking to someone face-to-face.

I resolve to help somebody out there who needs help more than me - if I can find them.

In the spirit of President-elect Obama's mandate, I resolve to ask more frequently, "what can my country do for me?"

I resolve to quit daydreaming about Tina Fey - wait - I mean, Sarah Palin.

I resolve not to drink ten cups of coffee a day from my boss's coffee maker (easy to keep when you've been laid off).

I resolve to remember that I am turning 45 in June, not 15, and I don't really need to think about that Smokey & The Bandit car quite yet.

I resolve to listen to more of the golden oldies, even if that means admitting music from the 1960's and 1970's are now "Golden Oldies".

In 2009, I resolve to remember that having a job is a privilege, not a right.

This coming year I also resolve to be a better person. I'm thinking maybe Gandhi.

In 2009, I resolve to remember that you can see Russia from Alaska, and that that's not really that funny... much.

After 22 years of not helping my wife with the housekeeping much, this year - now that I have more free time because I'm laid off - I resolve to help around the house more often, once my wife gets a full time job and supports me for a change.

(I also resolve to remember how hard it is to type with your nose because all ten fingers on my hands can get broken when I ask my wife to proofread my humor entries on Helium.com)

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