by D. Victor

Created on: December 29, 2008

Perhaps you feel the need to tell your rather talkative co-worker that he has bad breath. Maybe you are attempting to address an issue that you know will have repercussions. When you are attempting to hold a difficult conversation, a great deal is at stake. A relationship can be mended or broken. Enemies can be created if you use the wrong approach.

A conversation can be difficult because of anticipation of a negative response, mutual awareness of an existing conflict or fear of embarrassment. Preparation, tact and understanding are basic tools that can be used; no matter what the relative importance of the subject matter is. Fortunately, there are useful tips for managing this type of conversation.

Prepare yourself

First, think about what you want to communicate. You need to understand what you want to say, how to say it and the outcome you're looking for. Is it merely to inform the person (like a boss having to lay off a long-serving employee) or do you wish to effect certain changes? Preparing yourself entails getting in the right frame of mind to have the conversation and understanding the possible consequences and outcomes.

The "I"s have it

It is important to avoid sounding accusatory or even condescending. Blurting out "You" or "your" statements such as "You are too inconsiderate!" puts people on the defensive. It just seems accusatory. A better approach would be to phrase your statements in terms of how you feel. "I feel" or "It seems to me that" are softer and more effective approaches.

Control your emotions

Usually when difficult conversations are held, some emotions may become a bit frayed. It is important to control your emotions, but not to the extent that you suppress or repress them. You have to find ways of expressing your emotions in an appropriate manner. It's not the easiest thing to do, but it can help you before, during and even after you hold that difficult conversation. Use an even, calm tone and positive body language, even if you're tempted not to (people respond to non-verbal signals all too well).

Inform your expectations

If you know that someone would not take certain news well, you will naturally be more apprehensive. A man who has to tell his loving and faithful wife that he cheated may be somewhat nervous. You have to expect that you may receive a backlash or that the person may hit out (hopefully not literally). If this happens, you would be better in control of your own response and exercise empathy.

Actively listen

With difficult conversations

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