by Sadaf Farooqi

Created on: December 28, 2008

It all starts with the birth of a girl.

"When news is brought to one of them, of (the birth of) a female (child), his face darkens, and he is filled with inward grief."

[Quran - Surah Al-Nahl 16:58-59]

Preference for sons prevails mostly in India, China, Pakistan and the Gulf States. Deliberate abortion of female fetuses is not rare: every year, approximately a million female abortions are reported in India alone.

"When the female (infant), buried alive, is questioned - For what crime was she killed?" [Quran - Surah Al-Takveer 81:8-9]

Its not just men who perceive births of girls this way: women - themselves daughters - are also perpetrators of the "sons-are-better" ideology. Reasons for this are several. One of them is the anticipation of a future financial burden on the father's shoulders. A girl has to be provided for by her guardian: she does not mature into a breadwinner; rather, she goes into another family. Thanks to the Hindu custom of jahaiz' or dowry, marrying a girl off after she has been raised can be an even bigger hurdle. The father starts stressing years in advance about how he will provide each of his daughters a proper' dowry.

Dowry is an amount of money, goods or possessions given to the bride by her family at the time of her marriage, in order to attract a good husband for her. In effect, it becomes the property of the husband or his family after marriage. The matter of fathers happily giving their daughters gifts of money or property, paying for an enormous wedding feast, or providing them a home, furniture and household belongings, should be left to their own discretion. However, girls are given dowry because they are deliberately left out of the family inheritance. Islam enjoins that each heir be given his share of inheritance; it also prohibits ostentation, extravagance and unlawful acquisition of wealth. The custom of dowry involves all three of these vices to some extent.

A "gift" is something someone happily and willingly gives to another, it is not "demanded". When jahaiz is demanded by the bridegroom's family, its a way of acquiring wealth by twisting another's arm: a base behavior to which an Allah-fearing Mu'min would never stoop. How can one expect a marriage to be blessed when the relationship between the two clans is initiated like a business transaction, with each party trying to maximize its own profit?

Even if the bridegroom's family wants to adhere to Islamic injunctions and renounces dowry, the bride's excited mother, aunts, and

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>