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As painful as marriage can be at times, today's "ups and downs" are EASILY "bearable enough" to overcome a couple's lack of love for one another.

We live in a time where marriage and divorce rates are sky-high; and while many things are attributed to the trivial issues (most often, money) involved, society's "instant gratification" obsession has caused many tempers to flare and patience (in general) to dwindle.

I remember once reading (in reference to marriage) that "life's too short to be happy, and too long to be miserable"... how true it becomes once you've "lost that loving feeling".

In my personal experience, I married too young. At 19, I impregnated my "first" without intention and, after a conventional "shotgun" wedding, refused to "give up" on it or have an illegitimate child. Though Pride may have played a factor at the time, the love I felt was made stronger through my faith of our bond.

My wife soon developed post-partum depression, though she sat in denial for Years afterward. Not understanding what she was experiencing, while at the same time very introverted and insecure; she considered it a "phase" and just sealed her emotions off... I was isolated from her in many ways; especially when she began the proverbial "alienation of affection".

It hurt, but knowing she was going through some "problems" that she didn't understand, I vowed myself to stick by her side and see it through... Giving in THEN would've been akin to quitting on her, and I couldn't do it (having an understanding of what it meant).

As the years past, we started growing apart. We decided that perhaps another child, one we Planned and were "ready" for, would re-establish our initial LOVE for one-another and get us back on track... Honestly, it only pushed her depression deeper into solitary thinking and she broke off most communication with me entirely.

As our first child, a brilliant daughter, flourished; I watched in amazement as her education began having doors open that would later lead to elite (public) school acadamies and opportunities that would see her graduating High School with a College Degree... and while the Love in my marriage was long gone now and some resentment had set in it's place, I reaffirmed my committment to my daughter's education and my wife's mental health. Should I sacrifice one, the other would certainly suffer as well... in addition to our second child, which complicated matters more than anticipated.

Many years and yet another child later, I've learned many things from parenting that simply can't be picked up otherwise. Of those, the fact that Life itself is often Bigger than what WE necessarily want (or define) it to be; isn't what we believe we know, or are ever ready for, we must remember to think selflessly; that to Give is to Get... without the wisdom of putting another before ourselves, we're "lost" in this world and will never fully come to know or understand the Truest sense of Divine Love.

While our intentions may be True, for whatever "higher power" you hold dear; there's Always a place in your heart where the absence would be far too painful even without the "love" of your companion... The lack of intimacy may be a frustrating at times; but the "urges and needs" can still be met while retaining your dignity and self-respect.

Yes, a marriage CAN move forward so long as it hasn't grown stale, and absent the "love" we'd enjoy all the more IF there; it's nothing Attention, Determination and Focus can't overcome. While certainly more difficult than a marriage where Real Love IS condusive for "success", it isn't Dead by any means without it.

Learn more about this author, Jeff Bolz.
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