by Imagae

Created on: January 20, 2007   Last Updated: April 18, 2007

Oh the silent, frantic desperation attached to the idea of facing reality. Please don't ever let me come down. How well I remember that feeling. I am an escape artist, an addict. With over three and a half (gotta include that half) years past my darkest hour I can now see it with objective eyes, almost.

I do believe that addiction is a disease. I believe it is a dis-ease of the spirit and of the mind. "I am not at ease with me, I need to add something to the equation" Are we destined to become addicted if our parents are addicts? Only in the sense that we absorb what messages our parents send when we are children. I learned that to "cope" I need "this" to laugh I need this. To participate I need this. I am not enough, I need this. A person can have what would be classified as a "normal" childhood and still end up wasting their days in a basement sucking on a pipe packed with death, simply because of an inner struggle to fill what is seemingly missing.

Addiction is a search really. A search to fill that ever-widening hole in the soul. The human conscience is so limiting that we sometimes can't see past our physical reality. Many of us, in different ways, try to shove tangible things into an intangible, spiritual space which is, in my opinion, meant for God or Higher-Self (no pun intended). I feel unfulfilled and as a human being it is in my nature to fill up with that which surrounds me. Forgotten, is the wonderful and vast truth that we are spiritual beings trapped in a human experience. So we reach for what we can see and touch...and it doesn't work. Drugs are noteworthy and shocking because they are not accepted by society and they cause easily definable damage. Drugs succeed in changing ones perception of reality, which is the point completely.

Lets talk about the person that is addicted to food and eats themselves to death. Do we ever hear the word "addiction" come up when passing on such a story? That person says to him or herself "If I have one more cheeseburger I'll feel better" 1000 cheeseburgers later the spiritual hole is still there and self-esteem has plummeted even lower.

WHAT IS MISSING? WHO AM I? We all have this, we all experience that empty feeling at times and we all try to fill it in different ways.Some choose drugs, some choose cheeseburgers, money, sex,power....It is all part of the physical world that we are blinded by daily. Very few of us, it seems, are taught to look within...are taught to see that we are always whole...always full...never really empty.

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