by Tiffany White

Created on: December 27, 2008   Last Updated: June 19, 2011

I remember my first crush: I was a 14-year-old trying to figure out ways of getting next to Stuart Robards.

When I told my mom about him, she said, "If he really likes you, he'll let you know." She was right. One day, I found a note discreetly tucked inside the slot of my locker that read: "Do you like me? Please check yes or no."

I realize there's a vast difference between childhood infatuation and adult romance, but some things never change. Women can take the lead in virtually every aspect of their lives but initiating a date with a man is where it ends, because men love the thrill of the chase.

A man, whether he knows it or not, is drawn to a woman who makes him feel like he must work hard to get a date with her. He is attracted to the woman who gives him an extended period of flirtatious eye contact and body language that speaks volumes. I like to call it friendly sexual banter.

Since most men hate to feel pressured into making an immediate decision about their future with a woman, non-verbal flirting gives him a chance to weigh his options.

He'll measure her level of interest in him and determine how he'll execute the first move. It's almost like a natural aphrodisiac to him.

But the moment a woman takes that option away from him her appeal drops. The mystery she had disappears, and she isn't as attractive to him because he doesn't feel like he had to do much to get her.

Let's face it. There's a double standard in romance between men and women. When a man makes the first move, provided he doesn't exhibit stalker tendencies in the first 60 seconds, he is perceived as a man who simply wants a date. But a woman who takes the initiative can be seen as someone whose options may be a bit limited no matter how smart, talented, and beautiful she may be.

On the other hand, a woman who chooses not to make the first move shows she is very secure in her ability to get a date even if the object of her desire never asks her out. What worthy man doesn't love a woman who exhibits confidence and self awareness?

Some men will argue that they would prefer not to make the first move because of the mix signals they may get from women. They say they don't feel comfortable putting themselves in a potentially embarrassing situation. I am not trying to trivialize those concerns, but I believe a confident man won't let the fear of rejection stop him from pursuing a woman.

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