by Rick Wildman

Created on: December 27, 2008

It is simply a matter of statistics. Meeting a potential partner at school, work, or a random social setting can work, but the odds are the person you find attractive will not have the same goals or values, because there's no way to predict that just by looking at them, or talking over coffee. Yes, you can figure it out in time... but the effort to reward ratio is rather poor, when compared to online introductions.

Of course, this assumes you and your potential partner are honest. The same rule applies to any relationship, regardless of how it starts. There are honest and dishonest people, and they will act that way regardless of setting.

In my own case, since divorcing in 2004, I have found more compatible ladies through online introduction than through the traditional social outlets. Probably the most significant factor there is time. I'm raising two kids alone, have a career, and don't want to date someone at work. That doesn't leave me with a lot of options. The odds of me finding someone well-suited for me, in a random encounter in a bookstore, are lousy. The odds of finding someone on a well-managed site or introduction service are much better.

I have tried Match.com, eHarmony, and other sites. Each has strengths and weaknesses. However, without exception, every person I chose to meet in person has been someone I enjoyed meeting, and would not have met otherwise. To be honest, I'm not a bad looking guy, and I'm not socially awkward. Nonetheless, the online services have been a great help. Their core value: They simply help you meet people who are less likely to be incompatible, because you've spelled out your traits and goals before you've even said hello.

I hope that, in time, the stigma surrounding online introductions will fade. I suspect it's just a natural abhorance to anything new. Teachers used to lament the end of the quill pen, because it taught "self reliance and frugality," while the fountain pen was "ostentacious and wasteful." Same for calculators, automobiles, dishwashers, and every other technological advance.

Online services are no worse, and no better, than the people who use them. I am glad I have them as another way to meet good people - whether I ultimately marry someone I met online, or not. Yes, this is not the way dear ol' Mom and Dad met - but is that relevant? Mom and Dad probably drove in a time before seatbelts and non-lead-based paint. Everything older is not better; everything new is not worse. You simply have to apply the same intelligence you'd apply to meeting on the pasta aisle of the grocery store, to meeting through an online introduction service.

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