by Rick Wildman

Created on: December 26, 2008

There's a reason we don't treat rental cars as nicely as the cars we buy.

Living together to check each other out first sounds rational, but weakens the marriage, if it happens. This has been shown by multiple studies, which I don't need to quote here. However, I feel the core issue is a spiritual one, not one of sociological statistics. I'm not talking about religion - that's simply a particular organization of spiritual truths. The truths themselves are universal, and in terms of marriage, the truth is that you will never take the relationship as seriously if you take it for a non-committal "test run" first.

Why?

Because living together and being married are completely different things. The first is not a valid test for the second; it is a disposable imitation that weakens one's appreciation for the real thing.

Being married should mean a mutual commitment to something greater than either of your personal desires. If all you're looking at is being friends, splitting rent, and having sex, do so - but don't call it a pre-text to marriage. Just be honest about it, to yourselves, and everyone else.

In the same vein, don't have a baby together if you're not willing to get married. How on Earth can people consider making another human being, with a two decade long financial and emotional commitment, without making that simple promise to one another? It's the single most ridiculous habit of the modern age. And no, having a nanny raise the kid doesn't count. If you can't raise the child yourself, don't reproduce. We don't need more unwanted, mentally-ill children in the world.

So if you are uninterested in doing it right, please, by all means, get an place and adopt a pet together - that's the way to play at being grown-ups. But don't kid yourself. It's not an authentic relationship, or one society should recognize as anything more than being extended sex-buddies.

Look! It's just like we're married, and Fido is our 'child!'

No, you're not married, and no, an animal is not a child, even if you put a sweater on it. You are screwing around.

You don't understand. We have a commitment, and we love each other.

No, you don't have a commitment. You have a mutually low level of responsibility, and you've agreed to enable each other. If you're not willing to get up before your parents and God and say, "I do," you're no more committed than two teenagers having their first kiss. You are stuck in adolescence - it's just that now you have bills and a biological clock. Have fun with that!

There's a reason we have traditions. They work. Rely on the experiences of our ancestors, across cultural lines for centuries - make that solemn commitment before you live together. It's what's best.

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