by Magnolia Miller

Created on: December 25, 2008

I gave birth to my first child at the age of 34. Many of my friends had teenagers by then and some were even grandparents.

But not me.

I had been far too busy skipping the light fandango and livin' la vida loca to concern myself with such familial undertakings.

Not to mention, I was far too self-centered, immature and still needed the occasional parenting myself.

I suppose then, that God in his infinite wisdom and mercy, kept watch over the door of my womb until cosmically and perhaps with a dose of karma as well, everything unfolded at just the right time.

In the weeks preceding the birth, I kept with my mildly obsessive-compulsive nature and read every book on pregnancy and childbirth I could get my hands on.

Provided, of course, they explained in excruciating detail what was going to happen to my body, with the development of the child, and most importantly - labor and delivery.

Up until this time, I must confess, I knew nothing about pregnancy and child birth. I had only occasionally queried my own mother about it when growing up.

"Does it hurt to have a baby, momma?" I would ask, innocently, actually believing that she would - get this - tell me the truth.

And as always, in a quiet voice, laced with a curious surreptitious tone and a strange, nervous tension in the air, she would answer,

"Yes, sweetheart, it hurts. But you can handle it."

Now, I'm not sure if it was the avoidance of eye contact or the furtive glances she shot my way. But, I always had the nagging feeling my mother was leaving something out.

I would reassure myself with the fact that I was the eldest of four and that both my father and mother came from even larger families. Clearly, women had been giving birth for generations before me and living to tell about it.

So, I would shrug off the ominous tension and run out the door in search of the nearest tree.

Now, completely naive and entirely pregnant, armed with my books and exactly one piece of sage, ancestral advice - one foreboding issue captured my imagination.

Exactly how is this baby going to make its way into this world?

Or more specifically: How does an orifice that is barely large enough to allow for the passage of a small piece of fruit - like, I don't know, say, a banana - allow for the passage of a piece of biological fruit which weighs on average, 7 to 10 lbs and also has legs, arms, a torso and a head?

I mean, I was no genius, but it didn't take an Einstein to figure out that something the size of a bowling ball may have just a wee bit

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