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the words to the Prince song Kiss, was truly hard to watch.
Kiss is one of those songs that only sounds right when Prince sings it.

Shakira clone PERLA will barely make it past Hollywood. Her voice wasn't as strong as the judges pretended it was. It read as skanky and obvious to flirt with Ryan Seacrest, but I thought it was hilarious how taken Randy was with her.

When TRISTA sang the Cowardly Lion's role in Wizard of Oz, I felt the urge to both cringe and throw up.

DENISE, who sailed through her audition, has an Achille's heel, and it's not her voice. Her ego is huge, already out of control at age sixteen. She's setting herself up for a fall. Even though her beginnings were humble-she was a crack baby-she has already let success go to her head. Notice that she pushed one of the men congratulating her (brother, friend?) rudely out of the way, with brutal disregard.

STEVEN, the voice teacher, was kind of hot until he opened his mouth and sang a falsetto version of Aerosmith's Don't Want to Miss A Thing. He should try acting instead.

In Seattle, when Simon ripped poor overweight AMY, mother of one, to shreds and Randy chided her for being tone deaf, I felt no pity. Blaming her bad audition on a sore throat and the flu, as Amy did, held no more water for me than it did for Idol's judges.

JENNIFER'S overreaction to criticism and snide comments that Simon should "get himself a lobotomy" were predictable. The Queen of Mean meets the King.

DARWIN seemed like a sweetheart and a genuinely cool person. Let's hope she sticks to writing.

TOMMY will be around for a few weeks, but he won't make top ten.

BLAKE will barely make it past the "Hollywood" phase before being sent home.

SANJAYA is Top 20 quality, but his pitch needs slight improvement. His Stevie Wonder was dead on. Sister SHYAMALI has pitch problems and will be sent home right after Hollywood.

MELISSA'S grotesque choice of cut off red pantyhose as clothing should serve to qualify her for the show What Not To Wear.

If NICHOLAS was "the weirdest/worst we've ever seen",a phrase Simon uses far too often for relevance, then what on Earth was William Hung? Nicholas was a terrible singer, but he at least struck me as an intelligent person with a future. He seemed far more realistic and personable than any of the Seattle contestants featured.

Calling KENNETH a bush baby was uncalled for. I'm fine if they rip a contestant for wardrobe choices or bad singing, but it's downright Donald vs. Rosie childish to resort to playground insults based on what someone was born with.

ERIC, the hair stylist that looks like Taylor Hicks, didn't understand the concept of personal boundaries and tried to "fix Simon's hair" with pomade. So many of these contestants are unstable. It makes you wonder if Simon, Paula, and Randy have stalkers?

Six foot seven ANNA did a great job on Aretha Franklin's song, Respect. She was awesome.

BIG RED'S falsetto was something I would write into one of my horror novels. I don't think half of these contestants realize how scary they seem.

Learn more about this author, Nariko Yamata.
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