by Patrick Sills

Created on: December 24, 2008

I've resided in the Upper Midwest for my entire life. As a result, I've seen 50 winters with plenty of snowfall. Sometime back in the 1970's, while still a teenager, I began to hear the occasional stories of elderly people and those with heart problems who would experience sudden death while shoveling snow out of their driveways or off the surrounding sidewalks. In fact, we learned that anyone over 40 was taking a risk whenever a snow shovel was involved. The cold temperatures and the pure exertion on the body; most notably the heart, made for a potentially life-threatening combination among those with any questionable health issues.

Seemingly out of nowhere, the snow blower came into vogue. The necessary task of snow removal suddenly became much easier and faster. The strain on a person's body was reduced to approximately that of someone mowing his or her lawn. What once took a couple of hours or more could now be done in less than 30 minutes. Sales of these then-new appliances went through the roof. Over 30 years have passed, and today one would be hard-pressed to find a person living in this climate without one. The snow blower could be compared to an Internet cable connection while the shovel represents the old, archaic dial-up system. With the exception of those labeled as masochists, nobody that has used a snow blower is likely to return to shoveling.

Snow blowers are simple to use, and this is coming from an author who has the mechanical skills of a mentally-challenged gerbil. Many are available with a push-button electric start feature, which is far easier than pulling a cord like those found on lawnmowers. An adjustable chute determines which direction you wish to throw the snow. To remove snow from a driveway, follow these steps:

First and foremost, make sure that the city snowplow has already come through your block! I often wonder about the mentality of these people, for they will place a barrier of 3 to 4 feet of snow squarely at the entrance to your driveway. Although it would be quite simple (not to mention courteous) for these city workers to lift the plow whenever a resident's driveway is in their path, they refuse to do so. My particular municipality gives homeowners 24 hours to clear adjoining sidewalks following a snowfall. After that, they do it themselves and send you a bill for the services. Just once, it would be fun to return the favor by sending the city a bill for lost work time due to my driveway being barricaded by their small-scale model of the Great Wall of China!

Once you've determined that these behemoth city plows have finally moved on and that you won't have to blast down the aforementioned barrier for the umpteenth time, you can begin. Start in the center of the driveway, closest to the house. Point the chute either to the right or left. Whichever direction you choose, continue to remove the snow on that side until it is all off the area of the driveway. Return to the center and point the chute the other direction. Do the same on the opposite side. In about 15 minutes, your driveway will be clear.

Then you can start on the sidewalk. Unless, of course, you don't mind paying the city to do it for you. I've said this before and I'll say it again: I really, really envy people who live in Florida.

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