by Cari Ross

Created on: December 24, 2008

In attendance at my daughter's second birthday, along with many children and their parents, were a close family friend and her father. To Carissa, our friend's father was not just a family friend. He was "Grandpa."

Grandpa, advanced in years, had been recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's. That Grandpa had Alzheimer's was not advertised at Carissa's party. That any of the other guests knew is unknown to me. What the children knew was what they saw and experienced a very jovial man, a captivating smile, a playful spirit.

After Grandpa's Alzheimer's grew more advanced, he was not as jovial, not as playful with children, but he still had his captivating smile. When Carissa visited Grandpa for Christmas, she curled up in the doggie bed; Grandpa didn't quite know what to do. Sometimes he would question whether she should be doing what she was doing, whether crawling into the doggie bed, or rocking in the rocker. Nonetheless, Carissa continued to be her playful self, while Grandpa continued to look on and smile.

Carissa and I were no longer living in Colorado when Grandpa passed away. I am told that late in his years, he became physically hostile toward people of any age. This hostility was only momentarily halted when his child-like faith would shine through during communion at his nursing home, and that captivating smile would return once again.

I have formed my beliefs about exposing children to grandparents with Alzheimer's, based on what I have witnessed, and what I have learned. Experiencing a visit with a grandparent with Alzheimer's can be healthy for a child of any age, under certain conditions.

Each parent or guardian of the child who will be present in the visit is willing and able take the necessary time to answer any question the child might ponder before, during, and after such a visit.

The grandparent has not grown hostile toward others, in such a way as to endanger or frighten the child.

A family therapist, who is familiar with the state of the grandparent, is available to chat with the child ahead of time, to prepare that child for what might transpire.

A follow-up session with the therapist occurs soon after the visit to ensure that any new-felt emotions within the child are addressed.

Should any of the child's emotions surface in the form of behavior issues later on, a wrap-up session with the therapist must be scheduled to address those emotions.

When briefing a child on a future visit with a grandparent with Alzheimer's, a parent or guardian should

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