by Joseph Wardy

Created on: December 24, 2008

If someone asked you how positive relationships at work are developed, what would you say? Would the answer include the commonality of interests? Does it involve showing that you care? The list that we can compile would be endless.

From a traditional point of view there is little to argue as these methods have worked for many successful people. In this essay, I will ask you to consider the alternative of developing strong relationships by looking at others as strangers. Does this suggestion sound strange? here are two suggestions:

1) Don't label- When we label other people, we place her or him in a box that is tightly taped. Please visualize this for a moment: the box causes the strangulation and suffocation of that person's creativity and uniqueness. We also suffocate them when we embark on fault finding. Finding fault is the reverse of the hero illusion. The problem of putting someone on a pedestal is that they always find a way to fall off. Here's the stranger approach with labelling and fault finding: Their fault that we perceived last week is living in a world according to me. Even if we are correct, the behavior last week was last week. Today, if we see then as a stranger , there is no resentment of the past to get in the way of relationship building through connection!

2) Getting to know vs, knowing- How many times have you heard the expression, " I know him like the back of my hand". This is another example of labeling. The approach of getting to know someone is quite different, Our mind and heart are open to that person and their behavior at that moment. Openness creates the element of surprise in our interactions. It is meeting the moment with anticipation and not apprehension. Surprise is also a prerequisite for gratitude. How can we practice the stranger approach:

1. View the past as history, the future as a mystery and the present as a gift to unwrap. Successful people do not tolerate the moment but rather treat it as the wonder of surprise.

2) Go to meetings with an open mind to the new ideas of people as not being strange but as a stranger to what the Japanese call " fresh eyes".

In this essay, i began by stating the traditional or front door way to developing strong relationships. The essay continued by suggesting that the stranger technique is the back door entrance to success. The good news: The home of success is available through both doors!

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